deuteronomy

Things to Say When We Die, AKA, “Gray Hairs in Hades”

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

I’ve been reading through The One Year Chronological Bible as published by Tyndale House (NLT). It’s been revelatory–listening to the Word has proven to be so much more impactful than I ever realized. It’s amazing how when you hear something, vs. when you read something, you pick up so many little nuances.

David gives his formal last words and final instructions to Solomon in 1 Kings 2:1-9. In this passage, he’s handing the throne over to his son during yet another arduous time in Israel. A different son had laid claim to the throne; Bathsheba came to David, as did Nathan, to tell him what was going on. David called his Solomon in and gave him a short speech that took a whole 8 verses…and verses 5-8 are pretty vengeful.

Meanwhile, when Moses knew his time had come, he spent 5 weeks giving his final speeches, handing his authority to Joshua, stressing the importance of keeping the commandments and the Law, and by begging the people of Israel not to forsake the path God had laid out for them…Deuteronomy is pretty much taken over by this monumental event, & Moses finishes it up by literally climbing up a mountain and dying. Pretty epic, if you ask me.

I’m struck by the comparison. Everyone thinks of King David as being this “man after God’s own heart,” yet his last words on this earth were vengeful: “And there is also with you Shimei the son of Gera, the Benjaminite from Bahurim, who cursed me with a grievous curse on the day when I went to Mahanaim. But when he came down to meet me at the Jordan, I swore to him by the Lord saying, ‘I will not put you to death with the sword.’ Now therefore do not hold him guiltless, for you are a wise man. You will know what you ought to do to him and you shall bring his gray head down with blood to Sheol.” (Deut. 32:8-9). MY DUDE, YOU JUST TOLD YOUR KID TO TAKE OUT AN OLD MAN.

And then David died! Just like that!!!! WHAT THE WHAT?!?!? “Oh, son, be Strong and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the Lord your God (Deut. 32:1), yadayadayada AND GO KILL THAT OLD GUY WHO DID ME WRONG.”

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?

Meanwhile, here’s Moses: “Happy are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord, the shield of your help, and the sword of your triumph! Your enemies shall come fawning to you, and you shall tread upon their backs.” (Deut. 33:29) Then God shows him the Promised land, and he dies. The end.

I don’t really have any deep, spiritual insights here, other than the fact that I am floored at the juxtaposition of the death speeches. If you would have asked me how I thought David would leave this planet, I would have probably said something like, “singing a Psalm,” and for Moses, something like, “swinging a tablet,” I don’t know, I mean, if I’d never studied it before. And I have–but for some reason, hearing it made it really stick out to me–they’re completely opposite ends of the spectrum. Moses is blessing his people; he’s challenging them, reminding them of the promises and the miracles, and he’s handing off his position after 120 years on this earth and a life that’s spanned a tremendous breadth of hope, heartache, and of an endless pursuit of holiness. He made mistakes; he got frustrated and angry, and he was fiery. He was a passionate defender of the hope he had, & he never stopped being the voice of the Father for the errant child of Israel. He loved his people and he loved his God without question…yet he never stepped foot in the Promised Land while on this earth.

David is looked at so often as a man of great honor…He’s a regular guy who became a king…a shepherd, a musician, a warrior, a refugee, and then a king. God used him in so many ways, but he also struggled with womanizing, anxiety, entitlement, etc. He was (like me and you and everyone else) a total mess. David is venerated…but why?

The fact that David lived his life the way that he did & ended it the way that he did, clearly shows a man who was flawed–proud, vengeful, and unforgiving–but yet, look at how God used him throughout! He uses broken vessels to change history…Our Messiah came through his line. What greater human honor could someone have bestowed on them?!?!

The story of Moses has always resonated with me. When I was 15, I had an argument with God over a promise I have yet to see fulfilled. I remember Him taking me to the story in Exodus 4 and telling me, “Who made your mouth?” It was then, for the very first time, that I took a look at the issues Moses faced. Whether it was crippling anxiety, a speech impediment, messed-up teeth; we don’t know the specifics of why Moses felt inadequate to speak in front of people; we just know that he did, and that God reminded him of Who. He. Was. It could have been neurodivergence, Tourette’s, a facial deformity–we don’t know. Moses was terrified. He felt inadequate…but God used him for amazing things that only He could have done.

Moses wasn’t a saint, either–he straight-up killed a dude for beating a Hebrew slave. Sure, it was a righteous anger but it was still murder, & it was wrong. He had a temper (& a fiery one at that!!!!). He went from being afraid to speak to leading over a million people through the desert and when it was his time to go, he, as the kids say, “left no crumbs.” FIVE WEEKS?!? His farewell speech lasted five weeks!!! From a dude who was afraid to speak in public!!!! Tell me God can’t break off fear and anxiety!! He may have to lead you through a desert to do it, but He can do it!!

These two death-tales have had me thinking about what I’d say if I knew my time was coming (it’s not morbidity. It’s a fact. Everybody dies.). I have faced my own mortality a few times (weirdly, I’ve never really taken it seriously) between bouts of heart failure, near-drowning, car accidents–it’s pretty amazing I’m still alive. But if I knew my time was coming–if you knew your time was coming–would you make your last words a commission of vengeance like David? Or would you challenge people to remember how far you’ve all walked with God, and how far He has brought you?

When my daughter passed away, choosing the verse on her tombstone was hugely important to us. We knew it would represent so much–maybe not how we felt at the time, but we knew we wanted a verse that would give us hope & point us to our Father every time we saw it. We chose I Samuel 2:2 “There is none holy like the Lord; for there is none besides You; there is no rock like our God.” It was important because it was her namesake; Hannah was named after the story in the Bible, and Hannah is who sings and prays this to the Lord after she has Samuel and dedicates him to God. She placed her baby in God’s house, and she praised the Lord as she left. That’s an incredibly difficult thing to think about…but our Hannah was with the Lord, and what else could we do without her, but to trust Him? He IS holy, right? He IS our Father, and He DOES love us. These words are in bronze, etched for the world to see. She is His…and I’m reminded every time I put flowers out, that we will all be together some day. That verse was put there as a challenge to us, as a reminder for us; it’s not there for us to grieve. It’s there because it’s true, He is real, & He is our HOPE.

For me, I could go either way. There are a few people I wouldn’t mind commissioning revenge on with my last breath, LOL–okay, not seriously–but the more I think about them, the more I reflect on my struggles with forgiveness and the more I realize I’m not yet ready to look my Savior in the eye. How can I be angry, when He has forgiven me of so much? I can’t keep these grudges. I’m sorry, King David–I’m not commissioning my kid to chase down a former manager or anything, even if the thought makes me smile like the Grinch. 🙂

I hope more than anything, if I have the ability to know my end is coming, that when I leave this earth that I do so like Moses–maybe not with like, 5 weeks of speeches, but maybe more like, 20 minutes to call people, tell them I love them, remind them Jesus loves them and that I’m okay, and to challenge them to stay on their journey of walking with Him. I’d hope I would maybe write something poignant, maybe get that novel off of my chest, and perhaps leave a legacy of quirky creativity and the stories of a life lived for Jesus and with Joy.

But maybe, just maybe, I’ll make it to the ripe old age of geriatric saltiness, and I’ll combine the two examples…I’ll challenge people with a final speech of spiritual maturity, calling them out to Love Jesus and Love People with the hearts we’re told to have…and also tell them to borrow that proverbial beer truck & run a few idiots over…bwahahahahaha….

We think about Moses like a grumpy old man with a smite button, ready to slam some tablets down; we think of David as a gentle shepherd bout, or as a sensitive-hearted worshipper. I think we have it backwards, and I think their farewell benedictions prove my point.

Moses was a weathered man who knew he was deeply flawed, yet he trusted God and he challenged his people thru his last breath. David gets labeled as a special kind of holy, because he’s called a “man after God’s heart…” but I think he gained that description based on the fact that he always came back when he slid away from the Law and the calling of God. He never abandoned his faith, but he never let go of his anger at those who betrayed him. He didn’t have the freedom he should have had in death, & he challenged his son to pick up his grudges and to carry out his vengeance instead of trusting God to handle it. David certainly sounds “smite-ier” when you think of it like that.

Then again…when you look back over Moses’ final speech in full, there are definitely some “smite” moments in there, so don’t think I skipped those parts. 🙂 I’m more taken aback by the length and content of Moses’ full speech verses David’s 8 verses, as well as the very last parts of what Moses says, verses what David says, along with our regular conceptions of both men. I hadn’t really thought about it before yesterday, & I think I’m going to dig into this topic next year at some point.

Meanwhile, should I get hit by said proverbial beer truck before my next erratically-written blog, I will share with you one of my favorite verses which, if I wasn’t hoping to be cremated, would go on my headstone or would hopefully be my last statement. It was my Senior verse in high school, and it has remained with me as a “milestone verse” in my walk with God:

“Oh Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You and praise Your Name, for in perfect faithfulness, You have done many things; things planned long ago.” –Isaiah 25:1

Honestly, though, my last words will probably in all reality be like those of Robert Charles Towery, who said:

“I love my family.

Potato, potato, Potato.”

Job 38 & The #CosmicClapBack

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

I have to say, there are like, 15 drafts in my blog log that I can’t seem to finish because I have SO much to say, and not-quite-the-right words to say it. Since my last post, a new year has began; my son has become a teenager; and I’ve begun a double-focused deep-dive into the Old Testament. On one hand, I’m studying a book by Michael Rood called The Chronological Gospels: The Life and 70-Week Ministry of the Messiah. I highly recommend it for a brain scramble; what I thought would be a two-week study now appears to be at least a year, if not longer, by both written and visual studies. Right now, I have more things to think about than I could possibly post, but I’m sure I’ll write about it at some point. I’m also going through The One Year Chronological Bible as published by Tyndale House (NLT).

I’ve discovered that when you listen to a book, you get an entirely different interpretation of it as opposed to reading it. There are so many nuances I’m picking up; it’s really mind-blowing. I really feel like I’ve spent the last 5 years first unraveling–as opposed to “deconstructing”–various doctrinal and theological teachings, and rebuilding said concepts with gentle correction & a much better focus on loving Jesus and loving people (my mission statement is just that: Love Jesus. Love People. That’s the Mission.). What that looks like when wrapped up in erroneous theology is NOT the same as it’s looking now, and I love that God has given me the grace and time to relearn things in a new perspective (soooo much to learn). I also love that He’s surrounded me with friends, family, and church leadership that support and help me navigate this stuff, because it’s a LOT.

To give you some context as to why this is smoking my brain quite so much, most of you know I grew up in the church & I spent my entire education, including my Bachelor’s, in Christian schools. Reading the Bible has always been a huge struggle for me; a few years ago, a missionary friend prayed that I would develop a genuine “love” for the Bible. Another prayed that I would become a “lover of the Word instead of just a lover of words,” and those words have stayed with me. Over the last few years, it’s slowly-but-surely bloomed in my heart, & in this year in particular, it’s kind of a raging fire.

I’ve read the Bible out-of-order, in-order, in the original languages (vicariously), via commentary, as a textbook, you name it–it’s been foundational my entire life but this time? This time it’s exploding & I feel like it’s finally in full, living color. I get so excited about it–I used to tell an old boyfriend “my” versions of Bible stories & he always loved it because he said I made it “real.” That’s what I feel like for myself with the audio Bible & the studies I’m doing! It’s so vibrant, and that carries over when I discuss it with my son. I’ve started playing it for him when I take him to school, & then talking about it with him. I hope he puts it in his memory bank & that he eventually develops even more of a love for it…that would be the best thing ever.

I’ve never really looked at the Book of Job the way I’m looking at it right now. In fact, it’s always been kind of a sore spot for me, because he lived such an incomparable life. Who can say they’re blameless like he was?!? I mean, the guy made burnt sacrifices after every single feast for EACH ONE OF HIS KIDS in case they sinned and didn’t realize it! That’s some dedication! BRO HAD 10 KIDS!!!!!!!! You know how hard that had to be to do?!?!?! Not to mention, how expensive?!?!?!? I’d be like, put that kid in a bubble so he can’t make any mistakes and save me a few bucks!!!

Job loses everything (except his wife. Ever think about that?!? She’s all like, “curse God and die!” and he’s like, “Nope. Gonna go sit outside the city in the ashes and cry for a while. Peace out.” And I guess she stayed at home and mourned the loss of her family/status, etc. on her own? Um, Job? Can I just say I’ve been in her shoes, kinda, and my husband basically said the same thing? She just lost her 10 children, can we cut her some slack?!?!?!?!? Nope. That’s pretty much all she’s known for at this point. Sheesh.).

His 3 friends come and sit outside the city with him in the ashes while he mourns for 7 ENTIRE DAYS in silence. SILENCE! Nobody talks until after Job’s first speech and then they like, blow it. Bless their hearts–after Hannah died, I started to remind myself that people (especially Christians) have “the best of intentions and the worst of execution,” and Job’s friends hit that mark. They think they’re helping him by trying to convict him of whatever “secret sin” he must have had to deserve such “judgement” while he defends his integrity. They don’t have any other frame of reference for why someone would go through such a hard time–why else would someone who outwardly loved God so publicly, go through such a heartache? We always want to find a reason that matches our processing, but we serve a God that doesn’t have to bow to our line of thinking. He isn’t required to make sense for us, and Job’s friends don’t quite have that figured out. But bless ’em, they tried. He maintains his innocence, Elihu speaks, and then BOOM. Job 38.

“Who is this that questions my wisdom
    with such ignorant words?
Brace yourself like a man,
    because I have some questions for you,
    and you must answer them.” (Job 38 1-3)

If I could have jumped up and yelled, I would have (I was driving. Bad idea.). God waited 38 chapters to REMIND JOB WHO HE IS!!!!! HE SAID THAT. #CosmicClapback

Y’all, I nearly wrecked my dang car. “BRACE YOURSELF LIKE A MAN.” What is happening?!?!?!? Man-oh-man, if the Lord tells you to brace yourself, you’d better grab the zip ties, the handcuffs, the duct tape, some velcro, and a couple of ropes, because whatever the next sentence is, you’re gonna get knocked the heck back like the cow at the 36-second mark!.

Ever wonder what Job’s posture was when God spoke? What the 3 friends (+Elihu) were doing? Did everyone just fall out? Hit the deck? Roll over and show their bellies?!?!?!?!? Did the sky split open, or maybe the ground?!?!? Like, what was going on while He was speaking?!?!?! And who wrote it all down?!?!?!?!?

Who says God isn’t occasionally sarcastic?!? You can really play with intonation in the Bible and this chapter is a great example. We weren’t there. Ever wonder what His tone was? This is a total, “Who do you think you are?!?” kind of moment and in my brain, He’s thundering like a mom that’s just plain DONE with her child’s mouth.

This chapter is so, so beautiful (as so many are), and I know I could break down every chapter the same. For some reason, this one really struck me to the point that I had to blog about it. The way He lays down Who He Is and what He does, and what He’s done, is poetic and strong, factual without shaming. He’s not telling Job that he sucks, or that he’s a failure. He’s not beating him up. He’s not ignoring him or smiting him, or cutting him down to size with cruelty.

He’s telling him why He can be trusted.

Job 38 paints a stunning picture of the God of Creation. It makes me get emotional. I don’t know who wrote Job, but props to that writer because the mental pictures they painted are jaw-dropping. “What supports its (the earth’s) foundations, and who laid its cornerstone as the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?” (Job 38:6) Just….wow…This is the One Who put the stars in the sky. We can trust Him with our hearts, in however many pieces they may be in.

We look at God like we’ve forgotten that to have the fear of the Lord doesn’t mean that we live like an abused child cowering in fear of being struck. It means that we remember Who He Is, and God IS Love (I John 4:7-8)! I struggle with this as a default, because in spite of as many verses in the Bible that reiterate the loving character of our Father, I tend to hyperfocus on the negative interpretations of Him that were pounded into my head…the judgy, religious, Pharisaical interpretations of an angry God that just can’t wait to flatten us into the depths….We look at the Old Testament like it’s the Home of the God Who Smites and the New Testament like it’s the Fountain of Grace, but we forget that God doesn’t change. He’s the same-Hebrews 13:8 says that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today, and forever,” so is it crazy to remember that the same God Who split the ground open and swallowed a rebellion for the sake of His beloved is the same God Who sacrificed His Son to give us the gifts of restoration and reunion with Him for eternity?

That’s bananas.

When Cory Asbury sang about the “Reckless Love” of God, this is the kind of stuff I think about. I think about the presumed dichotomy of the painted Old Testament figure verses the loving Jesus of the New Testament. I think about the actual truth, that this incredible, omniscient, omnipresent, omni______________Father Who created this entire earth loves us for who we are. He loves us where we are, wherever we are in our pursuit of Him, whether it’s me getting academically twisted and theologically sidelined, or Lecrae wrestling with deconstruction (and coming back stronger), or my pastor sitting in a room with me, helping me untangle and refocus. He loves us enough that He doesn’t look at us and turn up His nose at our questioning. He welcomes it!

And He never, ever leaves us in the process.

Spoiler Alert: The Book of Job ends with total restoration…

After Job is confronted/reminded by God, he puts himself in the correct position of taking a few steps back and recognizing that he HAD indeed sinned…he forgot that yep, God knows what He’s doing. God never tells him all of this was a test that we know of. Job has to trust Him through all of it. He realizes his place in all of this, and puts his trust in God where it belongs. Natalie Grant sings in the song, “Held,” that “who told us we’d be rescued? What has changed, and why should we be saved from nightmares?” In my own walk through grieving, I realized that like Job, I spent more time grieving my losses and blaming God than in trusting in His will and realizing that He doesn’t owe us any explanations. That’s literally what faith is–accepting the unknown because you believe in what you cannot understand.

Job’s beautiful transparency in how he grieves his losses publicly, without shame; how he openly speaks to the Lord about his questions and his broken heart; and how he still remains strong enough to defend his own integrity when everyone else is accusing him; exists so that we in our own grief and loss see an example of how we should respond when “bad” things happen to “good” people. We grieve…we mourn. We get angry. We feel betrayed, but we don’t walk away (sometimes we’re just on the ground for a while, paralyzed), and eventually, in our healing process, we learn to trust in His ways above our own understanding. Job’s journey is a vibrant reflection of the very power of God over our own individual crises & upheavals, and how such a powerful God still speaks to us in the midst of it all. He REMAINS and He LOVES.

The three friends? God tells them that they’re boneheads and they’d better let Job pray for them–and that Job BETTER pray for them–and then everything Job lost is restored and then some. He’s restored and reconciled with his family, his friends, and his city, and his life ends in blessing on blessing (and Elihu, strangely enough, and Job’s wife, aren’t mentioned again. Hmm). We don’t know the ins-and-outs of how it all shook out, but we know that the conclusion of the story is a beautiful life.

Listening to the Bible verses reading it, for me, seems to bring out so much personality and individual application; the book of Job in particular resonates with me in an entirely new way. There are just so many new things that I’m hearing, & it’s coming alive, so I’d encourage you to give it a try! I’m guilty of thinking there’s “only one way” to do certain things, so I’m glad I’ve branched out over the last few years to give different ways of learning a chance. As it turns out, it’s revelatory, and it’s helping prayers come to fruition that were prayed over me years ago.

In this crazy world of upheaval, please look at Job as a man who went through chaos and destruction, learned the very character of God in a new way, and saw healing and restoration. His friends tried to help with the right hearts but the wrong answers–that happens so often! The same God that allowed Job to go through such trials and testing loves you and doesn’t always give you an answer for why times are challenging….but He DOES give you a refuge. He welcomes your questions, your tears, and your grieving. He wants to hear your heart; He’s big enough to hold it. We’re not guaranteed answers or even physical restoration on this earth, but we know we’ll get both in eternity. It’s worth the pursuit of Him and the humbling of ourselves, even when we don’t understand. He’s worth our faith, and He deems us worthy of His love through Jesus. He truly is our “peace that passes all understanding,” regardless of the season we are in… and He never leaves us or forsakes us.

That’s a beautiful verse whether you’re hearing it or reading it. 🙂

Note: I guess people that actually write had better start adding a disclaimer. No AI was used in the composition, idea, editing or writing of this piece. Welcome to the hamster wheel of my brain on virtual paper, free of robots, AI, and occasionally, spell-check. 🙂