All the Feels Week 4: Anger

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

WHAT is Anger? https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-anger-5120208

Let’s just rip the Band-Aid off: I struggle with Anger. The personification of Anger in Inside Out spoke to my very soul…

When McDonalds came out with the Happy Meal toys from the movie, my son hit me where it hurts: “Mommy, wouldn’t it be funny if you got your favorite one?” “Huh? Which one is that?” “ANGER! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” 

OUCH.

I grew up in a family that was very, VERY expressive. It wasn’t one emotion or another; it was ALL of them, and for me, it was usually crying. I cried a LOT–I cried so much that the kids at school had a mean nickname for me that I won’t repeat, that still rings in my ear. I had/have a sensitive heart, & my mom was forever telling me to “suck it up!” Dad would beg me to “just let it roll off like water off of a duck’s back,” and I couldn’t do either. 

The worst part about it, is that I have historically been an ANGRY crier. It’s not so much anymore, but as a kid, I’d be SO angry & frustrated that I couldn’t DO anything about it, that I’d cry, & it was taken as hurt or sadness. No, stupid, I’m crying because I wanna PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE and they tell me that’s wrong!!!!! (Hey, facts.) I’ve gotten better about that as an adult, mostly because I have the freedom of walking away from the situation that kids don’t generally have if we don’t allow it, but I definitely, definitely feel anger very strongly at times, and I don’t always express it in healthy ways. 

I most definitely leave nothing on the table when I’m angry. If you’ve ever read anything I’ve written when I’m mad–a letter to the editor, a letter to a company, a Facebook post that’s upsetting, a text to someone that’s pushed it too far–it’s brutal. I’m very, very skilled at eviscerating someone with the written word in ways I could never do out loud (I process emotions better in writing), & it’s a terrible skill to unleash on someone. I have to seriously pray about it before hitting that “send” button, because even with that, I know there are things I’ve written that I am ashamed of (far worse than what I’ve said). Anger is an explosive thing for me that will well up and go nuclear if I don’t keep it in check…so I don’t. 

When I’m angry, you know it….but my goal is to share it in a way that is respectful and balanced for as long as I can. Years of therapy have helped, but decades of being on the receiving end of someone else’s anger have actually done more to shape how I process it as an adult. 

Things said in anger cannot be unsaid…I have way too many scars from the truth of that statement, & I still have things brought to mind by the Lord that He’s healing me from. I have said such things to my husband, to my family, even to my son, that I can’t take back & I struggle with forgiving myself for.

Because you EXPRESS anger, doesn’t mean that you STRUGGLE with anger. Anger is an emotion or a feeling that EVERYONE deals with. I can say that someone makes me angry–
“That driver cut me off! What a jerk!”–but not ACT on it or let it ruin my day. Expressing anger doesn’t mean it’s a weight around your neck. I can be made at the bad driver. Where I cross the line, is at insulting him. Where I cross the line, is by racing up next to him, flipping him off, cutting him off, and by spending the rest of my day telling everyone how much he sucked & by letting his actions, regardless of the reason, ruin my day. Anger doesn’t have to dominate, and when we let it, there’s where we fail.

EMOTIONS DO NOT RUN US. FEELINGS DO NOT DICTATE OUR ACTIONS. WHEN WE SAY WE LOVE AND WANT TO FOLLOW JESUS, WE ARE SAYING HE RUNS US. WE ARE SAYING THAT HE AND HIS WORD, DICTATE OUR ACTIONS.

When we “pop off” or lose it, it is clear evidence that we are not listening to the Holy Spirit or speaking in love…we’re disobeying our Father. 

Christians like to side-quest into discussing “righteous” anger, usually defined as anger that we have over injustice or evil. I’d like to counter it by going back to my earlier statement, that everyone has anger. Ephesians 4:26 says “be angry, but do not sin.” It’s how we act on our anger that determines whether or not it’s a problem. You can rightly be angered about someone that murdered someone, but what do you do with that anger? Do you pray about it? Ponder how that person got to that point? Do you go online and write an editorial? Do you comment on a Facebook page, or put a sign up in your front yard to protest the issue? Regardless of what made you angry, how do you handle your anger?

I like that Anger in Inside Out has a fire on his head. The Hebrew word for anger literally translates as, “His Nose Gets Hot.” It refers to how our nostrils flare when we’re mad. 🙂 

Do you treat it like a flame-thrower, burning whomever comes near you, or do you put it out in the throneroom, letting Him extinguish what hurt you or upset you?

The world has a term for handling anger: “Anger Management.” It’s a funny thing in the world…They have fantastic tips for how to control, breathe thru, calm down, etc., but it doesn’t seem they give a lot of solid information to prevent or forgive. https://www.verywellmind.com/anger-management-strategies-4178870 lists simple strategies to prevent the nuclear reactions so many of us know, have encountered, or struggle with, like working out, learning to identify triggers, leaving the situation, talking it through, etc. It’s pedantic, but solid, if you can think about it in the moment. 

I’d counter that though, by saying how can we live our lives in such a way that Love is so big, anger doesn’t get the chance to get a foothold? 

What does anger come from? If we’re created in the image of God, does HE have anger?  Why do we struggle with it in the first place? And how do we get healing from past hurts, to keep these struggles and triggers from rearing their heads?

According to VeryWellMind, there are 3 types of anger:

  1.  “Passive-Aggressive Anger: Here, a person tries to repress their anger to avoid dealing with it but typically ends up expressing it in unhealthy and undermining ways.  Biblical Example: King Ahab was angry with Naboth when he wouldn’t sell him the vineyard in I Kings 21:4. He sulks, and then his wife has Naboth killed. 
  2. Assertive Anger: This can be a healthy option for expressing anger. It involves handling anger in a controlled manner by using your words to calmly explain and try to diffuse the situation. Here, anger is expressed in a non-threatening way.  Biblical Example: Moses in Exodus 32 sees the Israelites worshipping the golden calf. Instead of becoming violent, he pleads and intercedes with them in Exodus 32:11.  Nehemiah 5 is another great example, where he finds out about the financial oppression of his people and he goes to the leadership to end it. There’s no fighting; just an integritous man, pointing out the clear violation of law with his people’s best interests at heart. 
  3. Openly Aggressive Anger: This type of anger might be accompanied by physical or verbal aggression such as screaming or hitting things. The aim of this type of anger is typically to hurt the person the anger is directed at emotionally or physically.Biblical Example: SO MANY! 
    1. Cain: Murdered his brother in anger (Genesis 4: 5-8)
    2. Moses: Exodus 32 (later on) when the Israelites do it again, he smashes the tablets
    3. King Saul: Got so mad at David that he tried to kill him (repeatedly)! I Samuel 18:8-11

Google: Handling anger in a biblical way involves understanding its nature and applying scriptural principles to manage it constructively.

Recognize Anger as a Normal Emotion
Anger is a natural human emotion, but the Bible teaches that it should be managed wisely. Ephesians 4:26 states, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” This emphasizes the importance of addressing anger promptly and not allowing it to fester.

Understand the Causes of Anger
The Bible identifies various causes of anger, including perceived threats to personal values or injustices. Recognizing these triggers can help in managing responses effectively.

Practice Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a key biblical principle. Colossians 3:13 encourages believers to forgive others as the Lord forgave them. This can help release the hold that anger has on the heart.

Seek Peace and Reconciliation
Matthew 5:9 states, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Striving for peace and reconciliation can transform anger into constructive dialogue.

Pray for Guidance
Prayer is essential in seeking strength and wisdom to handle anger. Philippians 4:6-7 encourages believers to present their requests to God, which can lead to peace that guards the heart and mind.

By applying these biblical principles, individuals can manage anger in a way that aligns with their faith and promotes inner peace.

These are the “Idiot’s Guide” to handling anger in a Biblical way…or should I say, “simpleton’s guide?” I feel like this puts an AI-generated bow on a complicated concept, because the Bible doesn’t just tell us about being angry and not sinning; it graphically lists out literal prayers sent up about all of the terrible things certain people would like to see done to their enemies in anger in several places. The most notable expressions of anger in the Bible come from what’s called the Imprecatory Psalms.: https://youtu.be/Qn9LWZPBRR4?si=srXa1u8wXxvp4sZp 

These Psalms are a curse spoken to the enemies of God’s people, and they are NOT kind: “Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks” (Psalm 137:9). 

“When studying the imprecatory psalms, it is important to note that these psalms were not written out of vindictiveness or a need for personal vengeance. Instead, they are prayers that keep God’s justice, sovereignty, and protection in mind. God’s people had suffered much at the hands of those who opposed them, including the Hittites, Amorites, Philistines, and Babylonians (the subject of Psalm 137). These groups were not only enemies of Israel, but they were also enemies of God; they were degenerate and ruthless conquerors who had repeatedly tried and failed to destroy the Lord’s chosen people. In writing the imprecatory psalms, the authors sought vindication on God’s behalf as much as they sought their own…..The bottom line is that the imprecatory psalms communicate a deep yearning for justice, written from the point of view of those who had been mightily oppressed. God’s people have the promise of divine vengeance: “Will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly” (Luke 18:7–8; cf. Revelation 19:2). “

These Psalms are kinda gross! But, in their defense, they were written in the midst of unjust oppression that tried the generous, long-suffering nature of the Lord. I believe they’re in the Bible to teach us that being angry and grieving, or being angry & expressing lament over such injustices, is a GOOD thing. Sharing our anger with God is a GOOD thing, as it allows us to process through His Holy Spirit, all of the feelings & emotions that He wants to hear.

We’re made in His image…so what does that mean, in the scope of anger? This quick video from The Bible Project is a beautiful explanation of the incredible long-suffering patience of our God in the face of this complicated emotion:

James 1:20 says that “man’s anger doesn’t bring about the righteous life that God desires.” Bluntly put, getting mad doesn’t bring us any closer to God & in fact, it usually puts obstacles in the way (because then we have to forgive, repent, deal with the consequences, etc.). Getting angry is a part of life & is in fact, a genuine reflection of a God Who gets angry in the face of injustice, evil, and pain. Acting on that anger instead of taking it before our Father & trusting Him to act on our behalf, only leads us to more struggles, more sadness, and more pain. Acting on our anger is a statement to God saying that we don’t need Him to fight our battles–we’ve got this–and we all know how well that goes. We have a calling and a desire to seek Him first. We have to trust in His process, in His methods of taking care of people and situations, in His way of handling it that doesn’t follow our “hot-nose” timeline of retribution. 

Anger is a hot, burning flame of destruction, yet we are called to serve a God Who is Love and Who gives LIFE. Working on turning our anger over to Him will breed love and life to everyone we encounter, leading us to more peace and a closer walk with Him!

References: 100 Bible Verses about Anger

All the Feels Week 3: Sadness

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

Before we tackle Joy’s “opposite” sister, I want to touch on something people forget to mention: Emotions are NOT linear. We live in a Western society that expects a lot of “either/or,” but life is more of a “both/and.” I think Eastern cultures are better at grasping these concepts and anticipating the complicated outcomes & possibilities.

I love the concept that two things can exist simultaneously while not in agreeance–we are not bound to being siloed in how we process, yet we’re thrown when we find ourselves experiencing both. We can laugh in the midst of mourning a loved one when we think about funny memories; we find ourselves scared in the midst of celebrating, etc. Why are we surprised when we find one emotion in the middle of processing another? Science actually says this is a sign our brains are functioning normally! We’re made for this!! We’re complicated beings, created by an infinitely-more complicated Being, and we cannot de-validate our emotions just because we don’t understand their complexities. They happen. Acknowledge them–God understands them so much more than we do.

“We live in a culture that loves dichotomies: happy or sad, broken or whole, mourning or dancing. We like clear lines and easy categories. But real life doesn’t work that way. Real grief doesn’t work that way. It isn’t just sorrow. It’s love. It’s longing. It’s even laughter in the midst of tears. Grief doesn’t erase joy, and joy doesn’t cancel grief. They often walk side by side, coexisting in the same fragile heart……The presence of joy does not diminish grief; rather, it honors it by allowing us to see beyond the loss—to cherish what was, even as we mourn what is no longer.“–https://www.cyndimatos.com/blog/when-grief-and-joy-collide 

I’m going to add another note in here (most of this blog is directly what our small group discussed) to say that most of you, if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, know that David & I are well-acquainted with the topic of grief. Grief & sadness are often coupled together but expressed differently. I want to jump in here and say that GRIEF IS VALID. No one wearing the name tag of “Christian” has any right to say your grief isn’t valid. Jesus wept–it’s right there in John 11:35. Grief is an expression of a deep love, separated from your present state. The only reason David & I were able to progress in our journey after our daughter’s death is, and I can’t stress this enough, because we were loved well by a church body that gave us the grace to grieve our loss in transparency, while also comforting us with genuine hope. They never pretended to have the answers to “why;” they never told us to “get over it.” They held us while we wept; they wept with us. They prayed with us, and they witnessed Jesus walk with us through that valley with true kindness. It is because we have been graced with the very best of a loving church body, that we know and believe the church CAN and SHOULD be the safest place for hurting people…

Sadness is a normal human emotion defined as a state of unhappiness, sorrow, or emotional pain usually triggered by loss, disappointment, or difficult life events.

Key Characteristics of Sadness (according to a Google search & a few random resources):

• Universal Emotion: Recognized as one of the basic human emotions across all cultures.

• Physical Signs: Often shown through crying, watery eyes, lowered lip corners, or a quiet and lethargic demeanor.

• Purpose: Signals a natural need for comfort, help, or social support (that’s usually the LAST thing many of us want when we’re in the “mullygrubs,” as we say at home. Leave. Me. Alone…but you’d better hug me! But don’t touch me! ACK!–it reminds me of my very favorite Calvin & Hobbes cartoon).

• Duration: Temporary and passes with time, unlike clinical depression which is a long-lasting mental disorder (Google)

 Sadness and clinical depression are different, but people often use the terms interchangeably to describe deep emotional pain.

10 common types of sadness and depressive conditions according to Google:

1. Everyday Sadness (Transient Sorrow)

• What it is: A normal, short-term emotional reaction to a difficult day, a disappointment, or hurt feelings.

• Key detail: It passes quickly and does not stop you from doing your daily tasks.

2. Grief and Bereavement

• What it is: Deep sorrow caused by the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a major life loss.

• Key detail: It comes in waves and mixes with other emotions like anger or fond memories.

3. Major Depressive Disorder (Clinical Depression)

• What it is: A serious mental health condition defined by the Cleveland Clinic that causes ongoing sadness and a total loss of interest in life.

• Key detail: Symptoms last most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks.

4. Persistent Depressive Disorder (Dysthymia)

• What it is: A long-term, continuous low mood that is less intense than major depression.

• Key detail: It lasts for two years or longer.

5. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

• What it is: A mood disorder that follows a seasonal pattern, usually starting in the late fall or winter when there is less sunlight.

• Key detail: Symptoms include low energy, sleeping too much, and craving carbohydrates.

6. Postpartum Depression

• What it is: Severe sadness and anxiety that happens during pregnancy or after childbirth.

• Key detail: It goes far beyond the normal “baby blues” and can make it hard to bond with the baby (my personal experience with this was life-altering; I’m forever grateful to my mom for noticing & for saving my life!).

7. Bipolar Depression

• What it is: The low-mood phase of bipolar disorder, where a person cycles between extreme highs (mania) and deep lows.

• Key detail: It is treated with mood stabilizers rather than standard antidepressants.

8. Atypical Depression

• What it is: A specific subtype of major depression where your mood can temporarily brighten in response to positive events.

• Key detail: Symptoms include heavy feelings in the arms or legs and sleeping or eating much more than usual.

9. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)

• What it is: A severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS) that causes extreme sadness, irritability, and anxiety in the weeks before a period.

• Key detail: Symptoms stop shortly after menstruation begins (Psychiatrists tried to say this wasn’t real a few years ago. I politely disagree…it’s horrible).

10. Situational Depression (Adjustment Disorder)

• What it is: A short-term depressive reaction to a specific, stressful life event like losing a job or going through a divorce.

• Key detail: It starts shortly after the stressful event and usually improves as you adapt.

Biblical characters who struggled with depression:

Here are 12 Bible figures who struggled with depression, each offering valuable lessons on how to approach emotional distress from a biblical perspective:

1. Job:

Job 3:11-26, where Job curses the day of his birth and wishes he had never been born.

Lesson: Even in deep sorrow, Job remained faithful to God, expressing his pain while continuing to seek God’s answers.

2. King David

Psalm 42:11, where David questions his soul, “Why, my soul, are you downcast?”

Lesson: David expressed his feelings honestly before God, but also reminded himself of God’s faithfulness and hope.

3. Elijah

I Kings 19:4, Elijah prayed that he might die, feeling alone and defeated.

Lesson: God didn’t condemn Elijah for his feelings but ministered to him by sending an angel to provide food, rest, and encouragement.

4. Jeremiah (The Weeping Prophet)

Jeremiah 20:14-18, where he laments his birth and the burden of his prophetic calling.

Lesson: Jeremiah’s transparency in his sorrow teaches us that it’s okay to express our emotions to God, even in moments of deep frustration.

5. Moses

Numbers 11:14-15, where Moses asks God to take his life because the burden of leading the people became too much.

Lesson: God responds to Moses’ cries, reminding him that He is always with him, and provides the support and leadership Moses needs.

6. Hannah

1 Samuel 1:10-15, where Hannah weeps and prays bitterly before the Lord, asking for a son.

Lesson: God hears our prayers, and through perseverance and faith, He answered Hannah’s cry for a child.

7. Asaph

Psalm 73:13-17, where Asaph questions whether following God is in vain.

Lesson: Asaph finds comfort when he remembers God’s faithfulness, learning that God will ultimately judge the wicked and bless the righteous.

8. Peter

Luke 22:61-62, where Peter weeps bitterly after realizing he had denied Jesus.

Lesson: Even in our worst failures, Jesus offers forgiveness and restoration, as seen when He reinstates Peter in John 21:15-19.

9. Paul

2 Corinthians 1:8-9, where Paul describes the despair he felt during a time of hardship.

Lesson: Paul learned to rely on God’s grace, acknowledging that God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

10. Ruth

Ruth 1:20-21, where she expresses her bitterness and grief, calling herself “Mara” (bitter).

Lesson: Ruth’s story shows us that even in the midst of sorrow and loss, God is working behind the scenes to bring restoration and hope.

11. Mary (Mother of Jesus)

John 19:25, where Mary stands near the cross, watching her son suffer.

Lesson: Mary’s faith and trust in God remained strong even during the most painful and confusing moments, showing us that faith can endure through suffering.

12. Jonah

Jonah 4:3, where Jonah expresses his desire to die, feeling displeased with God’s mercy toward Nineveh.

Lesson: Jonah’s story teaches us that God’s plans may not always align with our expectations, but His ways are always for our good and His glory.

Conclusion:

These biblical figures faced moments of depression, despair, and emotional struggle, yet their stories remind us that God understands our pain and offers compassion, healing, and hope. Through their examples, we see that it is possible to experience deep sorrow and still remain faithful, turning to God for comfort and guidance. In times of emotional distress, we can draw strength from these biblical figures, knowing that God is with us, even in our darkest moments.

Walter Brueggemann, a theologian, calls lament “the telling of all our secrets to God – the hidden, dark, painful, needy secrets that we prefer not to have or acknowledge.” This goes back to the introduction–the NEED for transparency with our Father. We cannot expect any kind of healing or progress until we’re ready to bare it all before the Lord…we have to trust that He is Who He says He is, and that He. Loves. Us. 

There is joy in the journey of sadness…and sometimes, there is sadness in the journey of joy. Transparency with God, trusting that Jesus is Big Enough to carry our burdens, and allowing ourselves to meet with Him every day in that place of dependence, is what allows us to have the healing and growth He wants us to have as we walk through our valleys….

Note: Sadness and grief are a part of life, as we all know. Depression, however, is a significant state that I don’t want to ignore or gloss over. If you are dealing with prolonged sadness, fatigue, anxiety, heaviness you can’t get relief from, etc., you may be dealing with a chemical or hormonal depression that your medical professional can help you with. There is ABSOLUTELY NO SHAME in being a Christian but struggling with depression or mental health issues!!!!! We live in a broken world and have a constant barrage of chemical, natural, visual, audible, distractions and negativity flying at us nearly 24/7. Our bodies & our brains weren’t designed for the constant processing we have to do, & sometimes, we need medical/pharmaceutical/psychological help to get our minds right, so that we can get into the place where we can spiritually process and prioritize. I personally have benefitted from medical and therapeutic assistance that I am grateful for. Much like you wouldn’t try to preach to a starving man without first giving his physical body food; you can’t try to embrace joy & get healing from grief/sadness/depression without sometimes getting your physical needs met. If you or your loved one needs urgent mental healthcare, please dial 988 or visit https://www.cdc.gov/mental-health/caring/index.html for more help.

All the Feels Week 2 & 2.5: Joy

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

In the very first post of this series, 3 looooong weeks ago, I covered an introduction breaking down that emotions are a quick, physical reaction to a situation, while feelings are more of a long-standing thing that can envelope you. The Bible says we are made in the very image of God; the One Who created us is more than capable of handling feelings and emotions that are part of Who He Is, and that He made us with! (Note: I spent 2 weeks on Joy, and spent the second half of that second week discussing Sadness, so I’m not too far behind in these posts, but I didn’t want to include my notes on Sadness and have this be stupidly long, LOL)!

The most important thing in the introduction that I want to reiterate throughout, is that God Is Able to handle our transparency, and He loves us to share with Him what He already knows according to Psalms 139:1-4

You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
 you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
 you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
  you, Lord, know it completely.

He absolutely knows how we feel. He has compassion, empathy, & a heart that loves us unconditionally. Encountering that love leaves us with a true desire to be 100% authentic with Him (and that transparency undoes the enemy, because that fool is the father of lies!). Transparency in sharing our hearts, emotions, feelings, desires, etc., with the Lord is a weapon that gives us deep, deep roots through the storms of life. Messy or not, we are the children of a loving Father Who never hesitates to hold us in whatever state we are in.

Joy is defined by the dictionary as a “feeling of great happiness.” What a crock. Happiness is a fleeting emotion that requires constant feeding. If you feed something constantly, you ultimately wind up with it exhausted with indulgence, ready to explode, & spiraling in the inevitable crash/burnout! (I love Snorlax, because he’s kind of the perfect picture of that, isn’t he?!?)

Happiness is a feeling that tends to be externally driven. It depends on situations, events, and other people aligning with your expectations. It’s future-oriented: you’ll be happy when you get the job, find the relationship, or reach the goal. Joy is more internal and less dependent on circumstances. It can exist alongside difficulty.”

Joy is a choice; it is a disciplined state that you can maintain even in the midst of pain. Joy is dependent upon the hope we have, that God is eternal and His character is unchanging! Because He remains, Joy can remain.

In the movie Inside Out, Joy & Sadness are partnered up as Sadness tries to take over & Joy feels the need to establish dominance. Joy doesn’t understand that her existence is actually made even brighter by the contrast of Sadness, not darkened when Sadness is near. Sadness and darker times solidify the truth of Joy in our lives; the desolate times make the spark of Joy have even more depth. This is impacted by our willingness to be transparent, as transparency →the acknowledgment of hard times→expressing our pain to God→Watching Him move with us, thru us, and beyond us, to sustain us & see us thru to the other side in His time. 

The Psychology Today article by Dr. Jamie D. Aten, Ph.D., titled, “What is Joy and What Does it Say About Us?” features an interview with Dr. Pamela King. In the interview, she speaks about the actual science of joy, & covers 3 areas that “deeply inform joy:”

  1. Growing in authenticity & living more into one’s strengths
  2. Growing in deep relationships & contributing to others (this is only possible when we’re authentic with ourselves & with others. Transparency again, leads to deep roots!)
  3. Living more aligned with one’s ethical and spiritual ideals

I love that all of the words she chose to describe growing in joy, are -ing words. They’re Being Verbs—BEEEEEEEEEEEING! Human BEEEEEEings! Joy cannot grow from a place of stasis! Stasis = Death. Think about it–nasty, stagnant water is a breeding ground for disease. Yes, it can develop its own ecosystem of decomposition, but nothing there is good. We are made in the image of God as Human BEings by a God Who’s literal Name is I AM. We. Have. To. Exist in a state of action verbs! Our lives, our successes, and our joy requires either action verbs or DEATH. It’s amazing!

So, this small group study I’m writing is titled, “All the Feels: The Facets of Feelings through the Facts of Faith.” This means I want to look at the people in the Bible who went through each emotion, and we’re discussing how they handled it, both good and bad. How can we apply these lessons and processes to our lives? Let’s take a look at a few:

  1. Paul, while in prison & thru so many trials!
    1. Phil. 1:3-6, 18-26
    2. Acts 16:25-34
  2. Mary
    1. Mary’s Song: Luke 1:46-56
    2. Side note: In the same chapter, Elizabeth’s son John “leaped for joy” in the womb when Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting! Even in the womb, we know true joy, spirit-to-spirit!
  3. David:
    1. Bringing the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem: In 2 Samuel 6:14-22, 
    2. I Chronicles 29:9-16
    3. So many Psalms! Psalm 4:7, “You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound,”

I’m not going to go into each one, because my mom already says my blogs are too long. 🙂 Each of these people, however, had situations where maybe they had a reason to celebrate; maybe they didn’t. Paul was rotting in jail, but he used his time to give thanks to God and holy cow, the testimony he could share from that experience! Mary, as a young teenager, sang praise to God even though His angel just told her she was about to be an unwed mother–a death sentence in her time–and went to visit her aunt, who by all accounts shouldn’t have been able to conceive.

David–I love King David–exemplified the up-&-down journey of our spiritual walk, and by the end of it, showed a lot of transparency (good and bad) in his relationship with God. Never one to mince words; on the occasion referenced above, he was so excited about bringing the Ark back to Jerusalem that he scandalously danced in his underwear through the city (thoroughly angering his wife). His unabashed, joyful worship showed that he had no pretenses whatsoever in how he felt about the Lord….he was willing to be undignified in his joy. When was the last time you were undignified in your joy? What would that look like?

You know, I found something very interesting in working on the topic of joy…Galatians 5:22 lists Joy as a Fruit of the Holy Spirit. Love, JOY, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control…but how is Joy also a feeling, when a feeling is fleeting?

Because it’s not.

Happiness, like I said when I started this, is a feeling. Joy is a choice…a state…a fruit or a byproduct of a close walk with God by the power of the Holy Spirit. The fruits of the Spirit are stable, building us and those around us up, leading to a domino effect of positive spiritual influence, change, and productivity. Feelings, however, are impulsive, leading to undisciplined actions, behaviors, inconsistency, and never-ending self-indulgence.

99.1 Joy FM literally says, “I Choose Joy” as it’s web handle. I love that! We CHOOSE to embrace the fruits and the gifts of the Holy Spirit in our lives, even when the world is telling us to choose drama, noise, anger, etc. When we choose joy and we choose to share joy, we are pouring out a beautiful perfume to everyone that encounters us. It’s that joy that’s contagious, that makes people want to know why we’re different. He Makes Us Different!

Around 181x in the ESV, we find the word “JOY” in the Bible!

  1. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
  2. Romans 12:12: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
  3. Psalm 94:19: “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”
  4. Psalm 95:1: “Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.”
  5. Isaiah 12:3: “With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.”
  6. Romans 5:11: “Not only so, but we also glory in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
  7. Philippians 4:4: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”
  8. Nehemiah 8:10: “The joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Joy is a place of stability for us, because we are anchored in the hope we have in Jesus. Hope is the key word–hope isn’t a fruit of the Spirit, because it is not based on interpersonal relationships. Hope, like faith, is solely dependent on Jesus & His work in our lives. Hope is between Him and us…and because we KNOW HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS, we can have long-standing, solid joy in Him that we share with others!

Choose joy today. Make the decision to sit at the feet of Jesus, share your heart–share the good, the bad, and the ugly–and let Him exchange it for the beauty only He can give, as He heals your hurts & exchanges the pains of this world for the Joy that can only come from Him.

Joy in the Workplace: “All the Feels” Sidequest

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

My friends have gotten used to my “ADHD Sidequests.” I’ll start on one topic & much like a rubber band, I’ll eventually snap back to where I started, but the conversation is going to flex into a lot of different shapes as it goes on. 🙂 Consider this an #ADHDSidequest for my series on “All the Feels.” 🙂

That being said, I’ve learned the freedom I have in working for a faith-based company! My previous foray into academia confined my worldview & ultimately left me unable to share my faith; in this institution, it’s literally on the walls of the building. 🙂 Each meeting starts with a “reflection,” & my Director is bold enough to share genuine moments of success & struggle in her journey. I can’t tell you how much joy that gives me…it’s so much breath into my heart after being so stifled!!

I’ve been allowed to lead a reflection two times now, & for today, I decided to spin my Bible study notes into a workplace application. It was personally helpful, because I’ve really struggled lately with not only my transition to being fully remote, but also with my anxiety related to a huge project that is taking me far longer than I felt it should. It’s had me second-guessing my value as an employee & my talents in this field; it has been mentally & spiritually challenging.

I work with seasoned, brilliant people & I feel terrifically inadequate; my manager is doing her best to encourage me, & I’m grateful for her patience…but even with that, I get in my own head & pick things apart…and then they crumble. So, putting these notes together helped me, & I hope they helped my team, too.

I’ll put the presentation & the links mentioned after the screenshots. I hope you find ways to Choose Joy in the Workplace today!

Here’s a recording! I’m learning new things!

Works Cited/Resources:

Cartoon of Joy taken from Disney’s Inside Out

Cartoon of my beloved Snorlax taken from Pokémon archives

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6vPHZQYxPQ&t=99s   Paraphrased from Michael Wiggins DBA FACHE, School of Health Professionals at Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center Lubbock,  9/11/2026

Infographic taken from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-connecting-your-co-workers-workplace-matters-techdoquest/

Resource:  https://www.oakpark.com/2015/09/15/learning-to-live-inside-out/

Lyrics & notes on Leonard Cohen: https://onbeing.org/blog/leonard-cohen-champion-of-our-cracked-imperfections/ 

Scripture references taken from YouVersion app

“All the Feels: The Facets of Feelings Thru the Facts of Faith” Week 1: The Introduction

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

For the first time in a while, I decided to brush off my keyboard and not only teach a Bible study, but yep–I’m gonna blog about it. This week started an 8-week Bible study at church that I’ve titled, “All the Feels: The Facets of Feelings Thru the Facts of Faith.” We’re going to take a look at key feelings and emotions; see who we know in the Bible that showed those feelings; learn how God mirrors those feelings or works in people with those feelings; and discuss how we move passed the point where feelings impact our relationship with God. It’s a long title and a big concept, and I’m quite sure I’m only going to scratch the surface in this semester, but here we go!

So, why look at feelings, anyways? Aren’t they just temporary? I mean, someone once told me to “never trust a feeling or a fart,” and as redneck as that statement is, it’s true (I can’t even tell you how I fell apart when they said that–that saying lives rent-free in my head!!!). Although I couldn’t make myself say it out loud in Wednesday night’s class (I do have SOME boundaries), it makes me laugh & it lightens the heaviness that this topic can evoke. Our feelings can get so dark that we forget they are TEMPORARY…but the decisions we make in those moments can be permanent, so we need to make sure to keep them in perspective.

Inside Out was revolutionary to me when it premiered; it was so pivotal that this entire 8 week session is based around it. Kids often have little self-discipline in expressing emotions; I found myself taking a deep breath when my son would blow up as a toddler, because how frustrating it must be, to have BIG feelings in SMALL bodies?!? So much emotion, but so little ways of expressing!! As he’s gotten older, I often say to him, “Dude, your REACTIONS are NOT matching the ACTION.” His response to something that isn’t to his liking is frequently way more intense than the situation called for. Getting him to pause, take a breath, and PROCESS something before reacting is a skill that society is in short supply of these days.

Riley’s progression through Inside Out 1 and 2 shows in an almost-tangible way, how our brains go through the process of emotion–>feeling–>mental state, and I love that they used the same characters when looking into the parents’ minds, too. Riley’s beautiful mind shows us Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust; as she hits those formidable pre-teen years, we get Embarrassment, Anxiety, Ennui (Boredom), and Envy added to the party. In the first movie, Sadness tries to take the lead from Joy; in the second movie, it’s Anxiety that tries to run the show (& oh, did I find that relatable?!?). At times, as the emotions try to jockey for position the brain/internal monologue is more of a mosh pit than a logical processing, but isn’t that like life?!? So many emotions, so little time to process…and therein lies the problem many of us face.

But this is an introduction to this series…so let’s strip it back to some basics: Emotions and Feelings…they are NOT the same, according to people much, much smarter than I am. EMOTIONS are the quick reactions that we have. They’re the burst, the flash, the sweat we break out into, the quickening heartbeat, the dilated pupil. A FEELING, however, is something that can linger for days. It envelopes you and you’re conscious of it. Feelings are what happens as we PROCESS emotion….they’re what we MAKE of emotions.

And that’s the key–that’s something I want to really hit on in this introduction. Processing emotions is a necessary discipline we need to take the time to do. The Complete Beginner’s Guide to Emotional Processing by David Caren gives some high-level explanations with some practical advice on how to unpack your day & truly think about how you reacted and felt throughout the day. This leads to a lighter morning, and a better ability (in my opinion) to truly turn things over to God instead of marinating in bad feelings and anxiety thru the night. Processing emotions is something that I actually don’t think we’re fully capable of doing without the Holy Spirit, simply because our abilities to redirect negatives into positives are like, non-existent in this crazy world that lives for the drama. You might disagree with that, and that’s okay–for me, however, it literally takes a major spiritual shift to redirect me because of how my brain is wired. It’s all tied together for all of us, but for some of us, those ties look more like rabid spaghetti. #Squirrel

Neurodivergent individuals are going to process emotions and a lot of other things differently, & I’m not going to get into that too terribly much at this point; however, because neurodivergents/neurospicy people like Yours Truly tend to overreact and spiral when emotions/feelings get overwhelming or out of balance, I’m going to drop this resource in because it’s a good one. We. Are. Not. The Same. as typicals–we feel very, very deeply & we usually can’t just “let it roll” as my parents begged me to do. We’re extrasensitive in many ways, and for me, this really affects how I handle perceived rejections. This is a known problem that has led me to some very dark mental battles/spiritual battles, & I’m very, very grateful for the resources & people God has put in my corner that have pulled me out!!

Emotional processing is NOT the same as Ruminating Thoughts. Ruminating (it’s the same word that’s used when a cow chews their cud–we do the same thing, chewing & chewing on our thoughts and feelings, not able to break the cycle & frequently, devolving into a “death spiral” of dangerous thoughts. Ruminating Thoughts are a frequent struggle for neurodivergents, but I know we’re not alone in that. Emotional Processing (check the link) is a beneficial method of reviewing–>accepting–>moving forward, while Ruminating means you’re literally stuck and choking on it. Jesus gives us freedom from choking on anxiety & ruminating thoughts! That’s the coolest thing EVER!!!!!!!

We do not have to get stuck in the spiral of dark thoughts or the chaos of an imbalanced mind. First of all, we are 100% made in the image of God. Yes, we live in a broken world full of messed-up genetics, chemical warfare, and Lord-knows what else…but being made in His image means so many things…

There are at least 38 verses in Scripture that talk about how we’re made in His image and what that means for us. I want to not only focus this first lesson on the benefits of emotional processing; I also want to base the rest of these classes on the fact that He made us, & there is No One Better to understand our emotions and feelings, as we are reflections of Him. Secondly, like the book of Ecclesiastes says in 1:9, “there is nothing new under the sun.” There is nothing we can tell Him that He hasn’t heard before.

There isn’t a feeling or emotion that’s too big or too small, that He doesn’t care about it or want to know you’re feeling it. There’s nothing you can tell Him, that will make Him not love you. And there is NOTHING you can say to Him that will shock Him or cause Him to turn up His nose in arrogance or disappointment. Jesus loves you…emotional mess, oversized feelings, and all.

Transparency is critical with God–I mean, He sees it anyways, so why do we think we can hide from Him?? He deserves our honesty even when it’s not pretty. In the year after my daughter passed away, I had the gift of transparency in the church we were attending. They gave me the grace to grieve my loss, letting me weep openly during service (especially during that first Mother’s Day), checking in on David & I, and not once telling us to “move on.” Their hearts were broken with us, & they carried us as we mourned.

They didn’t see the anger, though. I kept that from everyone….the miles driven while punching my steering wheel, the times I’d come home hoarse because I’d screamed at God the entire drive home, the unadulterated rage against the universe, against the questions, against my own body and mind…anger that took longer than the grief, to cool. Anger that meant I couldn’t say, “God is good” for over a year, or lift my voice in worship. Raw, ugly, broken anger that took me to another level of honestly with God….to a place where all that was left was me, screaming in an imaginary desert, until all I could do was whisper & ultimately realize that my theology was decimated.

Some people deconstruct.

I went nuclear.

And when everything was demolished, I realized two things: He never left. And I had never truly believed that He loved me.

It was at that point where I found out I’d only had what I’d been told in my heart…my faith had been what I learned from everyone else, what I was told was real, what I THOUGHT I believed…but those thoughts didn’t hold water when death came, & all of the platitudes of faith were just that. The verses were real, but they were words on a page.

I was a Christian–I believed Jesus was my Savior…but I didn’t know Him. And I hadn’t let Him truly know me….I’d played the part.

Getting real with God…getting absolutely bare, because I had nothing left to hide behind…meant that He became even more real to me. My transparency–my desperate, messy, naked transparency–didn’t make Him angry. He recognized me when I didn’t even recognize myself. I didn’t even realize I’d been lying to myself for decades.

Something about devastation means we get an opportunity for a divine reset…if we choose to take it. I learned in that space over 20 years ago, that Jesus loved me at my absolute most broken, most devastated, & most confused, and He met me with Love.

He met me with the Truth of Who He Is….and He showed me that He made me the way I am. Why should I be ashamed that I feel deeply, that I have Big Feelings, when He put that in me? Why should YOU? He made us in His image, to be clean and clear before Him with truth and transparency….and no one can handle us better than the One Who created us.

He accepts us, loves us, and redirects us to process our feelings & emotions instead of spiraling out in them….if we just bring them to Him.

Psalms 139:1-4 says, “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue, you, Lord, know it completely.“

We have absolutely nothing to lose by giving God our transparency, & we have everything to gain…including peace in the emotional processing of life. With so many emotions to deal with–man, I kinda wish we only had the ones Riley struggles with–it’s so incredible to know that no matter how we feel, we are LOVED by a God Who longs to see us as who we are…as He created us…to have emotional stability and a state of peace that lasts so much longer than a fleeting feeling!

Transparency with God is a huge tool in defeating the plots Satan makes against us. There’s nothing that defeats deception like transparency…Transparency gives us deep roots in the storms of life, and shines through the layers of lies we are surrounded by. When it becomes our habit, it fuels our faith because we KNOW that we know, He is with us, He is REAL, and He LOVES us as we are, to becoming Who He sees us as.

May you have the time this week to lay out your emotions and feelings before the Lord and seek His response to the best way to process, accept, and work through…may your feelings for others reflect His…and may you always know He loves you so much more than you could ever realize. 🙂 More later…

*Not written with any AI…although it would probably help me be more concise….whatever. 🙂

Things to Say When We Die, AKA, “Gray Hairs in Hades”

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

I’ve been reading through The One Year Chronological Bible as published by Tyndale House (NLT). It’s been revelatory–listening to the Word has proven to be so much more impactful than I ever realized. It’s amazing how when you hear something, vs. when you read something, you pick up so many little nuances.

David gives his formal last words and final instructions to Solomon in 1 Kings 2:1-9. In this passage, he’s handing the throne over to his son during yet another arduous time in Israel. A different son had laid claim to the throne; Bathsheba came to David, as did Nathan, to tell him what was going on. David called his Solomon in and gave him a short speech that took a whole 8 verses…and verses 5-8 are pretty vengeful.

Meanwhile, when Moses knew his time had come, he spent 5 weeks giving his final speeches, handing his authority to Joshua, stressing the importance of keeping the commandments and the Law, and by begging the people of Israel not to forsake the path God had laid out for them…Deuteronomy is pretty much taken over by this monumental event, & Moses finishes it up by literally climbing up a mountain and dying. Pretty epic, if you ask me.

I’m struck by the comparison. Everyone thinks of King David as being this “man after God’s own heart,” yet his last words on this earth were vengeful: “And there is also with you Shimei the son of Gera, the Benjaminite from Bahurim, who cursed me with a grievous curse on the day when I went to Mahanaim. But when he came down to meet me at the Jordan, I swore to him by the Lord saying, ‘I will not put you to death with the sword.’ Now therefore do not hold him guiltless, for you are a wise man. You will know what you ought to do to him and you shall bring his gray head down with blood to Sheol.” (Deut. 32:8-9). MY DUDE, YOU JUST TOLD YOUR KID TO TAKE OUT AN OLD MAN.

And then David died! Just like that!!!! WHAT THE WHAT?!?!? “Oh, son, be Strong and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the Lord your God (Deut. 32:1), yadayadayada AND GO KILL THAT OLD GUY WHO DID ME WRONG.”

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?

Meanwhile, here’s Moses: “Happy are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord, the shield of your help, and the sword of your triumph! Your enemies shall come fawning to you, and you shall tread upon their backs.” (Deut. 33:29) Then God shows him the Promised land, and he dies. The end.

I don’t really have any deep, spiritual insights here, other than the fact that I am floored at the juxtaposition of the death speeches. If you would have asked me how I thought David would leave this planet, I would have probably said something like, “singing a Psalm,” and for Moses, something like, “swinging a tablet,” I don’t know, I mean, if I’d never studied it before. And I have–but for some reason, hearing it made it really stick out to me–they’re completely opposite ends of the spectrum. Moses is blessing his people; he’s challenging them, reminding them of the promises and the miracles, and he’s handing off his position after 120 years on this earth and a life that’s spanned a tremendous breadth of hope, heartache, and of an endless pursuit of holiness. He made mistakes; he got frustrated and angry, and he was fiery. He was a passionate defender of the hope he had, & he never stopped being the voice of the Father for the errant child of Israel. He loved his people and he loved his God without question…yet he never stepped foot in the Promised Land while on this earth.

David is looked at so often as a man of great honor…He’s a regular guy who became a king…a shepherd, a musician, a warrior, a refugee, and then a king. God used him in so many ways, but he also struggled with womanizing, anxiety, entitlement, etc. He was (like me and you and everyone else) a total mess. David is venerated…but why?

The fact that David lived his life the way that he did & ended it the way that he did, clearly shows a man who was flawed–proud, vengeful, and unforgiving–but yet, look at how God used him throughout! He uses broken vessels to change history…Our Messiah came through his line. What greater human honor could someone have bestowed on them?!?!

The story of Moses has always resonated with me. When I was 15, I had an argument with God over a promise I have yet to see fulfilled. I remember Him taking me to the story in Exodus 4 and telling me, “Who made your mouth?” It was then, for the very first time, that I took a look at the issues Moses faced. Whether it was crippling anxiety, a speech impediment, messed-up teeth; we don’t know the specifics of why Moses felt inadequate to speak in front of people; we just know that he did, and that God reminded him of Who. He. Was. It could have been neurodivergence, Tourette’s, a facial deformity–we don’t know. Moses was terrified. He felt inadequate…but God used him for amazing things that only He could have done.

Moses wasn’t a saint, either–he straight-up killed a dude for beating a Hebrew slave. Sure, it was a righteous anger but it was still murder, & it was wrong. He had a temper (& a fiery one at that!!!!). He went from being afraid to speak to leading over a million people through the desert and when it was his time to go, he, as the kids say, “left no crumbs.” FIVE WEEKS?!? His farewell speech lasted five weeks!!! From a dude who was afraid to speak in public!!!! Tell me God can’t break off fear and anxiety!! He may have to lead you through a desert to do it, but He can do it!!

These two death-tales have had me thinking about what I’d say if I knew my time was coming (it’s not morbidity. It’s a fact. Everybody dies.). I have faced my own mortality a few times (weirdly, I’ve never really taken it seriously) between bouts of heart failure, near-drowning, car accidents–it’s pretty amazing I’m still alive. But if I knew my time was coming–if you knew your time was coming–would you make your last words a commission of vengeance like David? Or would you challenge people to remember how far you’ve all walked with God, and how far He has brought you?

When my daughter passed away, choosing the verse on her tombstone was hugely important to us. We knew it would represent so much–maybe not how we felt at the time, but we knew we wanted a verse that would give us hope & point us to our Father every time we saw it. We chose I Samuel 2:2 “There is none holy like the Lord; for there is none besides You; there is no rock like our God.” It was important because it was her namesake; Hannah was named after the story in the Bible, and Hannah is who sings and prays this to the Lord after she has Samuel and dedicates him to God. She placed her baby in God’s house, and she praised the Lord as she left. That’s an incredibly difficult thing to think about…but our Hannah was with the Lord, and what else could we do without her, but to trust Him? He IS holy, right? He IS our Father, and He DOES love us. These words are in bronze, etched for the world to see. She is His…and I’m reminded every time I put flowers out, that we will all be together some day. That verse was put there as a challenge to us, as a reminder for us; it’s not there for us to grieve. It’s there because it’s true, He is real, & He is our HOPE.

For me, I could go either way. There are a few people I wouldn’t mind commissioning revenge on with my last breath, LOL–okay, not seriously–but the more I think about them, the more I reflect on my struggles with forgiveness and the more I realize I’m not yet ready to look my Savior in the eye. How can I be angry, when He has forgiven me of so much? I can’t keep these grudges. I’m sorry, King David–I’m not commissioning my kid to chase down a former manager or anything, even if the thought makes me smile like the Grinch. 🙂

I hope more than anything, if I have the ability to know my end is coming, that when I leave this earth that I do so like Moses–maybe not with like, 5 weeks of speeches, but maybe more like, 20 minutes to call people, tell them I love them, remind them Jesus loves them and that I’m okay, and to challenge them to stay on their journey of walking with Him. I’d hope I would maybe write something poignant, maybe get that novel off of my chest, and perhaps leave a legacy of quirky creativity and the stories of a life lived for Jesus and with Joy.

But maybe, just maybe, I’ll make it to the ripe old age of geriatric saltiness, and I’ll combine the two examples…I’ll challenge people with a final speech of spiritual maturity, calling them out to Love Jesus and Love People with the hearts we’re told to have…and also tell them to borrow that proverbial beer truck & run a few idiots over…bwahahahahaha….

We think about Moses like a grumpy old man with a smite button, ready to slam some tablets down; we think of David as a gentle shepherd bout, or as a sensitive-hearted worshipper. I think we have it backwards, and I think their farewell benedictions prove my point.

Moses was a weathered man who knew he was deeply flawed, yet he trusted God and he challenged his people thru his last breath. David gets labeled as a special kind of holy, because he’s called a “man after God’s heart…” but I think he gained that description based on the fact that he always came back when he slid away from the Law and the calling of God. He never abandoned his faith, but he never let go of his anger at those who betrayed him. He didn’t have the freedom he should have had in death, & he challenged his son to pick up his grudges and to carry out his vengeance instead of trusting God to handle it. David certainly sounds “smite-ier” when you think of it like that.

Then again…when you look back over Moses’ final speech in full, there are definitely some “smite” moments in there, so don’t think I skipped those parts. 🙂 I’m more taken aback by the length and content of Moses’ full speech verses David’s 8 verses, as well as the very last parts of what Moses says, verses what David says, along with our regular conceptions of both men. I hadn’t really thought about it before yesterday, & I think I’m going to dig into this topic next year at some point.

Meanwhile, should I get hit by said proverbial beer truck before my next erratically-written blog, I will share with you one of my favorite verses which, if I wasn’t hoping to be cremated, would go on my headstone or would hopefully be my last statement. It was my Senior verse in high school, and it has remained with me as a “milestone verse” in my walk with God:

“Oh Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You and praise Your Name, for in perfect faithfulness, You have done many things; things planned long ago.” –Isaiah 25:1

Honestly, though, my last words will probably in all reality be like those of Robert Charles Towery, who said:

“I love my family.

Potato, potato, Potato.”

Valentine’s Day

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

She doesn’t want jewelry (although she’ll gladly take it with a smile, I mean, c’mon, who doesn’t like jewelry?!?!)…

She doesn’t want a fancy meal at a restaurant (although she most certainly Does. Not. Want. to cook tonight).

She doesn’t want another thing to stuff into a curio cabinet (that she’ll have to dust), or

Another dress  (like you really know her size?!?) or

A bouquet of flowers…(they die) or

A gift certificate (that she has absolutely NO time to redeem)….

What she really wants is…

To be seen (when is the last time you really LOOKED at her? That you noticed her laugh lines…her freckles…the way her hair curls & how she is endlessly threatening to “shave it all off?” The way she does her makeup, with careful attention to details no one else notices? The way she coordinates her clothing, the way she really thinks about how she presents herself? She’s begging you to SEE her…)

To be noticed (when was the last time you thanked her for the endless loads of laundry, or a fridge that’s never empty? For going through the mail every day, for finding the best sale prices on the necessities, for managing the calendars and appointments and never-ending events?)

To be held (when was the last time you took her hand just because? That you kissed her on the cheek just to say ”hello”? When you wrapped your arms around her not because you thought it would end a disagreement, but because you ached to tell her you loved her and didn’t have the words?)

To be touched (when was the last time you played with her hair? That you traced the curve of her neck and stopped there? That you set the stage for what comes next, but didn’t cross that threshold? That you left space for the slow build, the gentle beckoning…the romance?)

To connect (to talk, to listen, and to be heard…when was the last time she spoke about her job without your advice or your comparisons? When was the last time you just listened? When was the last time you talked about your feelings and let her know you, not your circumstances? She doesn’t care about your boss or the dress code or the noise your car is making. She cares about how YOU feel about where you are, or what God is doing in your life, or how you’re studying a new topic in the Bible or about Legos, or whatever. She wants to tell you about her passions & why; about work drama without your pseudo-solutions; about your child & how great they are. You used to do this all the time, so why is it so difficult now?)

To remember…why and how you fell in love in the first place, why you love her, and why it’s all worth it….

She wants to remember that the “wrestle is worth it,” that the fight to keep Jesus as the center and to keep marriage committed to Him and to each other, is worth it.

She wants to remember why.

Valentine’s Day would have us focus on gifts and feelings, on pseudo-romance and sex…but Love is so much more than that…it persists through the mud & the muck, through the fire and blizzard. It isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice.

Remind her why she’s made it.

Remind her why YOU made it.

Job 38 & The #CosmicClapBack

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

I have to say, there are like, 15 drafts in my blog log that I can’t seem to finish because I have SO much to say, and not-quite-the-right words to say it. Since my last post, a new year has began; my son has become a teenager; and I’ve begun a double-focused deep-dive into the Old Testament. On one hand, I’m studying a book by Michael Rood called The Chronological Gospels: The Life and 70-Week Ministry of the Messiah. I highly recommend it for a brain scramble; what I thought would be a two-week study now appears to be at least a year, if not longer, by both written and visual studies. Right now, I have more things to think about than I could possibly post, but I’m sure I’ll write about it at some point. I’m also going through The One Year Chronological Bible as published by Tyndale House (NLT).

I’ve discovered that when you listen to a book, you get an entirely different interpretation of it as opposed to reading it. There are so many nuances I’m picking up; it’s really mind-blowing. I really feel like I’ve spent the last 5 years first unraveling–as opposed to “deconstructing”–various doctrinal and theological teachings, and rebuilding said concepts with gentle correction & a much better focus on loving Jesus and loving people (my mission statement is just that: Love Jesus. Love People. That’s the Mission.). What that looks like when wrapped up in erroneous theology is NOT the same as it’s looking now, and I love that God has given me the grace and time to relearn things in a new perspective (soooo much to learn). I also love that He’s surrounded me with friends, family, and church leadership that support and help me navigate this stuff, because it’s a LOT.

To give you some context as to why this is smoking my brain quite so much, most of you know I grew up in the church & I spent my entire education, including my Bachelor’s, in Christian schools. Reading the Bible has always been a huge struggle for me; a few years ago, a missionary friend prayed that I would develop a genuine “love” for the Bible. Another prayed that I would become a “lover of the Word instead of just a lover of words,” and those words have stayed with me. Over the last few years, it’s slowly-but-surely bloomed in my heart, & in this year in particular, it’s kind of a raging fire.

I’ve read the Bible out-of-order, in-order, in the original languages (vicariously), via commentary, as a textbook, you name it–it’s been foundational my entire life but this time? This time it’s exploding & I feel like it’s finally in full, living color. I get so excited about it–I used to tell an old boyfriend “my” versions of Bible stories & he always loved it because he said I made it “real.” That’s what I feel like for myself with the audio Bible & the studies I’m doing! It’s so vibrant, and that carries over when I discuss it with my son. I’ve started playing it for him when I take him to school, & then talking about it with him. I hope he puts it in his memory bank & that he eventually develops even more of a love for it…that would be the best thing ever.

I’ve never really looked at the Book of Job the way I’m looking at it right now. In fact, it’s always been kind of a sore spot for me, because he lived such an incomparable life. Who can say they’re blameless like he was?!? I mean, the guy made burnt sacrifices after every single feast for EACH ONE OF HIS KIDS in case they sinned and didn’t realize it! That’s some dedication! BRO HAD 10 KIDS!!!!!!!! You know how hard that had to be to do?!?!?! Not to mention, how expensive?!?!?!? I’d be like, put that kid in a bubble so he can’t make any mistakes and save me a few bucks!!!

Job loses everything (except his wife. Ever think about that?!? She’s all like, “curse God and die!” and he’s like, “Nope. Gonna go sit outside the city in the ashes and cry for a while. Peace out.” And I guess she stayed at home and mourned the loss of her family/status, etc. on her own? Um, Job? Can I just say I’ve been in her shoes, kinda, and my husband basically said the same thing? She just lost her 10 children, can we cut her some slack?!?!?!?!? Nope. That’s pretty much all she’s known for at this point. Sheesh.).

His 3 friends come and sit outside the city with him in the ashes while he mourns for 7 ENTIRE DAYS in silence. SILENCE! Nobody talks until after Job’s first speech and then they like, blow it. Bless their hearts–after Hannah died, I started to remind myself that people (especially Christians) have “the best of intentions and the worst of execution,” and Job’s friends hit that mark. They think they’re helping him by trying to convict him of whatever “secret sin” he must have had to deserve such “judgement” while he defends his integrity. They don’t have any other frame of reference for why someone would go through such a hard time–why else would someone who outwardly loved God so publicly, go through such a heartache? We always want to find a reason that matches our processing, but we serve a God that doesn’t have to bow to our line of thinking. He isn’t required to make sense for us, and Job’s friends don’t quite have that figured out. But bless ’em, they tried. He maintains his innocence, Elihu speaks, and then BOOM. Job 38.

“Who is this that questions my wisdom
    with such ignorant words?
Brace yourself like a man,
    because I have some questions for you,
    and you must answer them.” (Job 38 1-3)

If I could have jumped up and yelled, I would have (I was driving. Bad idea.). God waited 38 chapters to REMIND JOB WHO HE IS!!!!! HE SAID THAT. #CosmicClapback

Y’all, I nearly wrecked my dang car. “BRACE YOURSELF LIKE A MAN.” What is happening?!?!?!? Man-oh-man, if the Lord tells you to brace yourself, you’d better grab the zip ties, the handcuffs, the duct tape, some velcro, and a couple of ropes, because whatever the next sentence is, you’re gonna get knocked the heck back like the cow at the 36-second mark!.

Ever wonder what Job’s posture was when God spoke? What the 3 friends (+Elihu) were doing? Did everyone just fall out? Hit the deck? Roll over and show their bellies?!?!?!?!? Did the sky split open, or maybe the ground?!?!? Like, what was going on while He was speaking?!?!?! And who wrote it all down?!?!?!?!?

Who says God isn’t occasionally sarcastic?!? You can really play with intonation in the Bible and this chapter is a great example. We weren’t there. Ever wonder what His tone was? This is a total, “Who do you think you are?!?” kind of moment and in my brain, He’s thundering like a mom that’s just plain DONE with her child’s mouth.

This chapter is so, so beautiful (as so many are), and I know I could break down every chapter the same. For some reason, this one really struck me to the point that I had to blog about it. The way He lays down Who He Is and what He does, and what He’s done, is poetic and strong, factual without shaming. He’s not telling Job that he sucks, or that he’s a failure. He’s not beating him up. He’s not ignoring him or smiting him, or cutting him down to size with cruelty.

He’s telling him why He can be trusted.

Job 38 paints a stunning picture of the God of Creation. It makes me get emotional. I don’t know who wrote Job, but props to that writer because the mental pictures they painted are jaw-dropping. “What supports its (the earth’s) foundations, and who laid its cornerstone as the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?” (Job 38:6) Just….wow…This is the One Who put the stars in the sky. We can trust Him with our hearts, in however many pieces they may be in.

We look at God like we’ve forgotten that to have the fear of the Lord doesn’t mean that we live like an abused child cowering in fear of being struck. It means that we remember Who He Is, and God IS Love (I John 4:7-8)! I struggle with this as a default, because in spite of as many verses in the Bible that reiterate the loving character of our Father, I tend to hyperfocus on the negative interpretations of Him that were pounded into my head…the judgy, religious, Pharisaical interpretations of an angry God that just can’t wait to flatten us into the depths….We look at the Old Testament like it’s the Home of the God Who Smites and the New Testament like it’s the Fountain of Grace, but we forget that God doesn’t change. He’s the same-Hebrews 13:8 says that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today, and forever,” so is it crazy to remember that the same God Who split the ground open and swallowed a rebellion for the sake of His beloved is the same God Who sacrificed His Son to give us the gifts of restoration and reunion with Him for eternity?

That’s bananas.

When Cory Asbury sang about the “Reckless Love” of God, this is the kind of stuff I think about. I think about the presumed dichotomy of the painted Old Testament figure verses the loving Jesus of the New Testament. I think about the actual truth, that this incredible, omniscient, omnipresent, omni______________Father Who created this entire earth loves us for who we are. He loves us where we are, wherever we are in our pursuit of Him, whether it’s me getting academically twisted and theologically sidelined, or Lecrae wrestling with deconstruction (and coming back stronger), or my pastor sitting in a room with me, helping me untangle and refocus. He loves us enough that He doesn’t look at us and turn up His nose at our questioning. He welcomes it!

And He never, ever leaves us in the process.

Spoiler Alert: The Book of Job ends with total restoration…

After Job is confronted/reminded by God, he puts himself in the correct position of taking a few steps back and recognizing that he HAD indeed sinned…he forgot that yep, God knows what He’s doing. God never tells him all of this was a test that we know of. Job has to trust Him through all of it. He realizes his place in all of this, and puts his trust in God where it belongs. Natalie Grant sings in the song, “Held,” that “who told us we’d be rescued? What has changed, and why should we be saved from nightmares?” In my own walk through grieving, I realized that like Job, I spent more time grieving my losses and blaming God than in trusting in His will and realizing that He doesn’t owe us any explanations. That’s literally what faith is–accepting the unknown because you believe in what you cannot understand.

Job’s beautiful transparency in how he grieves his losses publicly, without shame; how he openly speaks to the Lord about his questions and his broken heart; and how he still remains strong enough to defend his own integrity when everyone else is accusing him; exists so that we in our own grief and loss see an example of how we should respond when “bad” things happen to “good” people. We grieve…we mourn. We get angry. We feel betrayed, but we don’t walk away (sometimes we’re just on the ground for a while, paralyzed), and eventually, in our healing process, we learn to trust in His ways above our own understanding. Job’s journey is a vibrant reflection of the very power of God over our own individual crises & upheavals, and how such a powerful God still speaks to us in the midst of it all. He REMAINS and He LOVES.

The three friends? God tells them that they’re boneheads and they’d better let Job pray for them–and that Job BETTER pray for them–and then everything Job lost is restored and then some. He’s restored and reconciled with his family, his friends, and his city, and his life ends in blessing on blessing (and Elihu, strangely enough, and Job’s wife, aren’t mentioned again. Hmm). We don’t know the ins-and-outs of how it all shook out, but we know that the conclusion of the story is a beautiful life.

Listening to the Bible verses reading it, for me, seems to bring out so much personality and individual application; the book of Job in particular resonates with me in an entirely new way. There are just so many new things that I’m hearing, & it’s coming alive, so I’d encourage you to give it a try! I’m guilty of thinking there’s “only one way” to do certain things, so I’m glad I’ve branched out over the last few years to give different ways of learning a chance. As it turns out, it’s revelatory, and it’s helping prayers come to fruition that were prayed over me years ago.

In this crazy world of upheaval, please look at Job as a man who went through chaos and destruction, learned the very character of God in a new way, and saw healing and restoration. His friends tried to help with the right hearts but the wrong answers–that happens so often! The same God that allowed Job to go through such trials and testing loves you and doesn’t always give you an answer for why times are challenging….but He DOES give you a refuge. He welcomes your questions, your tears, and your grieving. He wants to hear your heart; He’s big enough to hold it. We’re not guaranteed answers or even physical restoration on this earth, but we know we’ll get both in eternity. It’s worth the pursuit of Him and the humbling of ourselves, even when we don’t understand. He’s worth our faith, and He deems us worthy of His love through Jesus. He truly is our “peace that passes all understanding,” regardless of the season we are in… and He never leaves us or forsakes us.

That’s a beautiful verse whether you’re hearing it or reading it. 🙂

Note: I guess people that actually write had better start adding a disclaimer. No AI was used in the composition, idea, editing or writing of this piece. Welcome to the hamster wheel of my brain on virtual paper, free of robots, AI, and occasionally, spell-check. 🙂

A Virtual Christmas Card…..

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

Remember when sending Christmas cards with a beautifully-stated letter of life update was like, THE thing to do?

Man, I remember….because I stopped doing it last year.

Last year, just before Thanksgiving we lost my brother-in-law; two days before Christmas, I lost my biological father, & to my surprise, mourned him much more heavily than I ever thought I would (I basically had a total breakdown & threw a screaming tantrum in the front yard for the neighbors to enjoy while my husband considered locking me up & my sister literally kept me vertical). Other family issues curtailed into the losses, & I’d say it was 6 months or more before we got our feet back under us.

Coming out of the last Christmas season was a journey, but we also picked up some “new” traditions that I think we’re continuing with (minus the front-yard public meltdown). In spite of the reallllllllly rough start to 2025, we had some really cool things happen that are worth mentioning:

  1. For the second year in a row, Jericho took the top score in his class for the SAT. He says he doesn’t think he can go for the free-throw for 2026, but we shall see….I literally jumped out of my office chair and yelled when I got the news. You would have thought he’d won an Oscar!
  2. David found a job that truly recognizes his unique skill set and personality. We went to their corporate Christmas party last week, & my heart figuratively burst when his co-workers and his boss told me how much they loved him & that he was “one of” them. I was also a tad frightened, but hey, it’s really great to hear that he’s building a tribe!
  3. Speaking of a “tribe,” we’ve jumped back into church membership after a lengthy time of separation. I’ve turned in my paperwork & David’s working on his…it’s so good to know we’re building a community of like-minded people that can be a home again.
  4. I started a job in January back in healthcare. I mentioned today to a newer co-worker that you’d never know it now, but it took me my first 6 months to find myself as an employee again after my trauma from my previous “manager.” The inconsistencies, gaslighting, lack of support, bitterness & targeting, did a ton of damage & I hadn’t realized how deep the hurt went. Therapy & prayer made a huge impact; trusting God in my place of employment has always been a struggle, & although I knew He led me to where I am, I was in constant fear that I was dropping the ball. I finally let that go, warmed up to my current boss, & realized I had something to bring to the table. The change has been wonderful, & I am glad I moved to the company I’m at! Good things are on the horizon, & I am excited to see how God continues to work. I still struggle with forgiveness–the same “manager” continues to target people at the previous workplace & every time her name comes up, I realize I have more to lay down. It’s hard when you see your friends get treated poorly, to forgive and to let go. The Italian upbringing (which I’m very thankful for, Dad!) leans towards vengeance, but biblically, that’s not my job, so I have to again, trust that God is handling things. Challenging, for sure! Especially when I’m SO CREATIVE…..
  5. We “celebrated” our 20th anniversary in May, along with David’s 50th birthday in January. I say, “celebrated” because honestly, it wasn’t what I wanted it to be. I was going through some medical drama in late April/early May, & I was pretty much on the verge of another front-yard meltdown due to changes in medications & all of the family stresses. I really fell into a funk & had to do some intensive therapy to pull through it. Man, The Tribe came THRU. From sitting with me while I cried, to sending a pick-me-up card and praying with me, to meeting with friends via Marco Polo; I really leaned on my sister & my friends to get me thru it all and to figure out how to effectively communicate with my husband without getting so emotional that it sent HIM into a spiral. He was struggling enough!!! My son was in the thick of it with us, & although I’m sad that he went through it with us as a family, I’m actually glad that he got to see the process of what medications can do, what they can’t do, what therapy and prayer can do, and that there can be a sunny side to all sorts of trauma and disorders. He got to see all of those things in action, combined with the support of my sister & my friends, and how his dad had his own struggles, successes, and choices in the process. It was a real-life lesson in action, & we’re still talking thru parts of it.
  6. Noodle the Hot Mess Mutt continues to be well, a Hot Mess. We love her; she’s still indecisive with how she feels about us (unless we have food or a warm blanket, in which case we’re her favorite…but should we try to move her from said blanket, then we’re The Devil and she will attack, so there’s that). She hasn’t had any major issues or injuries this year, which, given her tendency to eat any-&-everything, is borderline miraculous.

And that’s basically it–we’re celebrating David’s current job as well as mine, celebrating Jericho for basically being a future-lawyer-genius & overall nice kid; celebrating Noodle for not dying; and most of all, celebrating the grace & love of Jesus, Who, for reasons not yet understood, continues to call us His own. His love is so above my level of comprehension, so defiant of what the culture expects or knows, that when I really try to think about it I can’t help but to sit in absolute silence. I have nothing of wisdom or value to say–He loves in a way I can’t reciprocate or appreciate, in a way I don’t deserve or even begin to grasp. When we sing that it’s a “Reckless Love,” my husband shared with me recently a breakdown of what that phrase means to him, & I had to tell him to stop talking because I’d just done my makeup & I knew I was about to bawl. 🙂 He. Loves. Us. Who would do that? The best of us is unlovable by any standard–we are arrogant, messy, clueless, weak, and weird. We are, as one of my favorite authors says, “ragamuffins,” but that’s who the King of Kings came for. He became ONE OF US in order to REDEEM us with His death & resurrection, and that’s really what we celebrate this Christmas.

Sure, the time of the year is all wrong, and we’d do better, honestly, to celebrate other Hebraic feasts that God calls us to, over the hybridized Christmas that’s December 25th–that’s something I internally am debating–but the fact remains that at this particular time of the year, globally, we recognize the birth of the Messiah, Jesus of Nazareth. We celebrate the coming of the King, the beginning of our Redemption, and the event that is so huge, our entire Eastern calendar is measured before-&-after its happening. The birth of our Savior is PIVOTAL for the physical and the spiritual, foretold in the very stars for generations before. He’s my Savior, keeping me not only from hell, but from the very worst of myself (which I encountered this year in the aforementioned front-yard meltdown and believe me when I say this, I AM SAVED FROM BEING THAT PERSON. She’s scary). He’s saved me from being separated from His incredible love…He gave everything for me, and for you, too.

So, when you look around & you think about all of the “things” that go into celebrating the holidays, remember to set it aside periodically to, as they say corporately, “focus on the WHY.” Get quiet. Put down the dustrag & baking pans; leave your wallet at home. Alanis Morissette once asked, “why are you so petrified of silence?” Aren’t we?!?!? But there is so much BEAUTY in getting silent…in focusing on that Still, Sometimes-Small Voice…in simply giving thanks from your heart instead of just from your mouth. My pastor, Brian Kitchen, sends out a daily devotional based on the previous Sunday’s sermons; with a reference of Luke 1:22, in today’s devotional he said, “Your quiet seasons are not empty seasons. God is shaping you while the promise is developing. Even when you feel muted, the miracle is moving toward its moment.“

My biggest prayer for you & I right now in this season is that if we’re not in a “quiet” season, that we will find the time/make the time to get quiet. If we’re in a season in which God seems quiet, my prayer for you & I is that we would see how He is moving in the stillness, and that our faith would grow in the waiting. There are no empty moments in our walk with God…just moments of our own static that would distract us from His intended impacts.

May this Christmas find you in times of stillness…in times of quiet gratitude, may you reflect on the birth of your Savior; of His love for you & of how freely He laid down His life not with the kind of irresponsibility we relate to our definition of “recklessness,” but with the kind of deep, incomprehensible Love that knew there was no other way to bridge our separation, & to bring us together for eternity…

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year, to you all….celebrate!

Love, The Cooley Family: Jericho, Noodle, David, and Cassidy, November, 2025

19 years…

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

Happy birthday, Baby…

19 years is a long time; almost 2 decades.

Many people know your story…many people don’t…and part of life is learning who is safe to share these things with (and who isn’t). I’m more exclusive with who gets to hear about you, because that’s a privilege.

I looked at your dad last night & said, “Someday, it won’t hurt anymore….”

I don’t know if he heard me, but I keep thinking about that statement. I feel like it was more of God saying it to me than it was me saying it to your father.

Your brother asked about you the other day. He said he asked God if you were in Heaven when he was praying one night, & his History teacher inadvertently answered his question the next day. You’d be so proud of him—he’s so funny. He spoke his thoughts on the subject, & I shared mine. He also told me he didn’t think there were dogs in Heaven. Ma’am, I corrected him properly, because I KNOW you are playing with Holly “up” there!!!!

I shared that a day in God’s presence is as a thousand years on earth, & we’ve only been apart for 19 years. What is that for you? It aches for me, but you? You’re with Him.

I was speaking to a friend this morning & I mentioned that statement from last night along with, “We will be with so many people we miss…your mom, my grandma, etc. You know what we won’t be doing? We won’t be MISSING people…

Baby girl, I won’t miss missing you.

My heart explodes with that thought. What will it be like, to not have this missing piece in my heart anymore? To be whole, to be with you?

I honestly can’t imagine, but it absolutely brings such joy to my soul…I can’t help but to think how beautiful is the love of Jesus, to give us the gift of not only being in His presence & of being in & with His family, but the Gift of Reunion with each other! He gives us the gift of a completed puzzle, a completely restored wholeness without spot, wrinkle, crack, or break!

He gives us wholeness & He holds us…I’m so grateful.

Hannah-girl, I pass by the place you died every day now & in this season, I feel the ache. I also feel the longing & the hope for that reunion, & I’m encouraged to stay the course. Fall leaves point me towards grace that never ceases to pull the pieces back together until we see each other again & I am thankful for those that laid the foundation of faith I stand on…fall on…desperately cling to…

“I’ll run as fast as I can into Your arms
‘Cause I was created to be where You are”

Happy 19th Birthday, Hannah Elizabeth Gayle Cooley…Your dad, your brother & I love you ferociously. You’re never far from my heart or mind, & I’m so thankful you are part of tapestry God is weaving in my life…