israel

Things to Say When We Die, AKA, “Gray Hairs in Hades”

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

I’ve been reading through The One Year Chronological Bible as published by Tyndale House (NLT). It’s been revelatory–listening to the Word has proven to be so much more impactful than I ever realized. It’s amazing how when you hear something, vs. when you read something, you pick up so many little nuances.

David gives his formal last words and final instructions to Solomon in 1 Kings 2:1-9. In this passage, he’s handing the throne over to his son during yet another arduous time in Israel. A different son had laid claim to the throne; Bathsheba came to David, as did Nathan, to tell him what was going on. David called his Solomon in and gave him a short speech that took a whole 8 verses…and verses 5-8 are pretty vengeful.

Meanwhile, when Moses knew his time had come, he spent 5 weeks giving his final speeches, handing his authority to Joshua, stressing the importance of keeping the commandments and the Law, and by begging the people of Israel not to forsake the path God had laid out for them…Deuteronomy is pretty much taken over by this monumental event, & Moses finishes it up by literally climbing up a mountain and dying. Pretty epic, if you ask me.

I’m struck by the comparison. Everyone thinks of King David as being this “man after God’s own heart,” yet his last words on this earth were vengeful: “And there is also with you Shimei the son of Gera, the Benjaminite from Bahurim, who cursed me with a grievous curse on the day when I went to Mahanaim. But when he came down to meet me at the Jordan, I swore to him by the Lord saying, ‘I will not put you to death with the sword.’ Now therefore do not hold him guiltless, for you are a wise man. You will know what you ought to do to him and you shall bring his gray head down with blood to Sheol.” (Deut. 32:8-9). MY DUDE, YOU JUST TOLD YOUR KID TO TAKE OUT AN OLD MAN.

And then David died! Just like that!!!! WHAT THE WHAT?!?!? “Oh, son, be Strong and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the Lord your God (Deut. 32:1), yadayadayada AND GO KILL THAT OLD GUY WHO DID ME WRONG.”

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?

Meanwhile, here’s Moses: “Happy are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord, the shield of your help, and the sword of your triumph! Your enemies shall come fawning to you, and you shall tread upon their backs.” (Deut. 33:29) Then God shows him the Promised land, and he dies. The end.

I don’t really have any deep, spiritual insights here, other than the fact that I am floored at the juxtaposition of the death speeches. If you would have asked me how I thought David would leave this planet, I would have probably said something like, “singing a Psalm,” and for Moses, something like, “swinging a tablet,” I don’t know, I mean, if I’d never studied it before. And I have–but for some reason, hearing it made it really stick out to me–they’re completely opposite ends of the spectrum. Moses is blessing his people; he’s challenging them, reminding them of the promises and the miracles, and he’s handing off his position after 120 years on this earth and a life that’s spanned a tremendous breadth of hope, heartache, and of an endless pursuit of holiness. He made mistakes; he got frustrated and angry, and he was fiery. He was a passionate defender of the hope he had, & he never stopped being the voice of the Father for the errant child of Israel. He loved his people and he loved his God without question…yet he never stepped foot in the Promised Land while on this earth.

David is looked at so often as a man of great honor…He’s a regular guy who became a king…a shepherd, a musician, a warrior, a refugee, and then a king. God used him in so many ways, but he also struggled with womanizing, anxiety, entitlement, etc. He was (like me and you and everyone else) a total mess. David is venerated…but why?

The fact that David lived his life the way that he did & ended it the way that he did, clearly shows a man who was flawed–proud, vengeful, and unforgiving–but yet, look at how God used him throughout! He uses broken vessels to change history…Our Messiah came through his line. What greater human honor could someone have bestowed on them?!?!

The story of Moses has always resonated with me. When I was 15, I had an argument with God over a promise I have yet to see fulfilled. I remember Him taking me to the story in Exodus 4 and telling me, “Who made your mouth?” It was then, for the very first time, that I took a look at the issues Moses faced. Whether it was crippling anxiety, a speech impediment, messed-up teeth; we don’t know the specifics of why Moses felt inadequate to speak in front of people; we just know that he did, and that God reminded him of Who. He. Was. It could have been neurodivergence, Tourette’s, a facial deformity–we don’t know. Moses was terrified. He felt inadequate…but God used him for amazing things that only He could have done.

Moses wasn’t a saint, either–he straight-up killed a dude for beating a Hebrew slave. Sure, it was a righteous anger but it was still murder, & it was wrong. He had a temper (& a fiery one at that!!!!). He went from being afraid to speak to leading over a million people through the desert and when it was his time to go, he, as the kids say, “left no crumbs.” FIVE WEEKS?!? His farewell speech lasted five weeks!!! From a dude who was afraid to speak in public!!!! Tell me God can’t break off fear and anxiety!! He may have to lead you through a desert to do it, but He can do it!!

These two death-tales have had me thinking about what I’d say if I knew my time was coming (it’s not morbidity. It’s a fact. Everybody dies.). I have faced my own mortality a few times (weirdly, I’ve never really taken it seriously) between bouts of heart failure, near-drowning, car accidents–it’s pretty amazing I’m still alive. But if I knew my time was coming–if you knew your time was coming–would you make your last words a commission of vengeance like David? Or would you challenge people to remember how far you’ve all walked with God, and how far He has brought you?

When my daughter passed away, choosing the verse on her tombstone was hugely important to us. We knew it would represent so much–maybe not how we felt at the time, but we knew we wanted a verse that would give us hope & point us to our Father every time we saw it. We chose I Samuel 2:2 “There is none holy like the Lord; for there is none besides You; there is no rock like our God.” It was important because it was her namesake; Hannah was named after the story in the Bible, and Hannah is who sings and prays this to the Lord after she has Samuel and dedicates him to God. She placed her baby in God’s house, and she praised the Lord as she left. That’s an incredibly difficult thing to think about…but our Hannah was with the Lord, and what else could we do without her, but to trust Him? He IS holy, right? He IS our Father, and He DOES love us. These words are in bronze, etched for the world to see. She is His…and I’m reminded every time I put flowers out, that we will all be together some day. That verse was put there as a challenge to us, as a reminder for us; it’s not there for us to grieve. It’s there because it’s true, He is real, & He is our HOPE.

For me, I could go either way. There are a few people I wouldn’t mind commissioning revenge on with my last breath, LOL–okay, not seriously–but the more I think about them, the more I reflect on my struggles with forgiveness and the more I realize I’m not yet ready to look my Savior in the eye. How can I be angry, when He has forgiven me of so much? I can’t keep these grudges. I’m sorry, King David–I’m not commissioning my kid to chase down a former manager or anything, even if the thought makes me smile like the Grinch. 🙂

I hope more than anything, if I have the ability to know my end is coming, that when I leave this earth that I do so like Moses–maybe not with like, 5 weeks of speeches, but maybe more like, 20 minutes to call people, tell them I love them, remind them Jesus loves them and that I’m okay, and to challenge them to stay on their journey of walking with Him. I’d hope I would maybe write something poignant, maybe get that novel off of my chest, and perhaps leave a legacy of quirky creativity and the stories of a life lived for Jesus and with Joy.

But maybe, just maybe, I’ll make it to the ripe old age of geriatric saltiness, and I’ll combine the two examples…I’ll challenge people with a final speech of spiritual maturity, calling them out to Love Jesus and Love People with the hearts we’re told to have…and also tell them to borrow that proverbial beer truck & run a few idiots over…bwahahahahaha….

We think about Moses like a grumpy old man with a smite button, ready to slam some tablets down; we think of David as a gentle shepherd bout, or as a sensitive-hearted worshipper. I think we have it backwards, and I think their farewell benedictions prove my point.

Moses was a weathered man who knew he was deeply flawed, yet he trusted God and he challenged his people thru his last breath. David gets labeled as a special kind of holy, because he’s called a “man after God’s heart…” but I think he gained that description based on the fact that he always came back when he slid away from the Law and the calling of God. He never abandoned his faith, but he never let go of his anger at those who betrayed him. He didn’t have the freedom he should have had in death, & he challenged his son to pick up his grudges and to carry out his vengeance instead of trusting God to handle it. David certainly sounds “smite-ier” when you think of it like that.

Then again…when you look back over Moses’ final speech in full, there are definitely some “smite” moments in there, so don’t think I skipped those parts. 🙂 I’m more taken aback by the length and content of Moses’ full speech verses David’s 8 verses, as well as the very last parts of what Moses says, verses what David says, along with our regular conceptions of both men. I hadn’t really thought about it before yesterday, & I think I’m going to dig into this topic next year at some point.

Meanwhile, should I get hit by said proverbial beer truck before my next erratically-written blog, I will share with you one of my favorite verses which, if I wasn’t hoping to be cremated, would go on my headstone or would hopefully be my last statement. It was my Senior verse in high school, and it has remained with me as a “milestone verse” in my walk with God:

“Oh Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You and praise Your Name, for in perfect faithfulness, You have done many things; things planned long ago.” –Isaiah 25:1

Honestly, though, my last words will probably in all reality be like those of Robert Charles Towery, who said:

“I love my family.

Potato, potato, Potato.”

Giving Your Kid Weird Names is Fun…AKA The Promises of God…

/ Cassidy S. Cooley / Leave a comment

My name is Cassidy.

Cassidy Sarah, to be precise.

I’m named thus, in part because of my paternal grandmother (who I never got to meet; I understand she was short & plump, and that’s all I know), and in part, because nobody liked my mom’s other suggestion: Bethany.

By the time I came along in my parents’ marriage, things were NOT going well. My biological father hadn’t really proven to be overly interested in my pending birth, so he didn’t have any input into the name I wound up with. “Cassidy” came from a person who said “hello” to their daughter Cassidy on a game show, that my mother happened to see. The rest is, as they say, history.

I’ve only ever met one Cassidy who is my age. The name had a surge in popularity in the late 80’s or early 90’s, thanks to Kathie Lee Gifford. She named her daughter Cassidy, and then nicknamed her “Casserole,” so if I ever see her, I won’t need a reminder to slap her silly.  Other Cassidys that I’ve met have all been younger, and Lord knows, there’s a TON of spelling variations on the name (Kassidee? Kasidy? Casidy? Cassadee? Some of those hurt to type).

The name “Cassidy” has a few different interpretations. It’s undeniably Irish-Gaelic, and was traditionally a boy’s name. It can mean “clever,” “inventive,” or “Curly-Haired (yes, I’m serious),” and in some cases, it’s defined as meaning, “sly.” That’s flattering, right?

I’ve always believed that whatever you name your child is a proclamation over them for the rest of their lives. When I first looked up my name and saw that it meant “clever,” I wasn’t a fan. Further research made me reconsider; I definitely qualify as “crafty,” given my love of my glue gun (yes, I know, that’s not what “crafty” is inferring, but work with me), and “curly haired?” Really? Shut up. 🙂 I can’t imagine myself with any other name. I’m glad that my mama took a chance on this crazy name, and I’ve slowly gotten over feeling slighted because I can’t find anything personalized.

I recently received an e-mail from my son’s kindergarten teacher. He’s getting ready to graduate (sniff!!), and she does something with the meaning of their names every year in the ceremony. She asked me if there was any special definition we knew that she couldn’t find, because the only definitions she could find were “fragrant” or “City of the Moon.” I had to laugh–it’s come full circle, that the girl with the odd name would, after years of swearing off of odd names for her children, name her son something that’s not going to show up in a Christmas ornament kiosk. So, I had to expound a tiny bit on why we gave our child the unusual moniker shared with a city that got destroyed (and that had a curse attached to it, were it to ever be rebuilt…which it was….and bad things happened).

Even without researching the definition of the name, “Jericho” seemed like a perfect name for my son. It wasn’t just a city that was destroyed for the glory of God and the progression of His people.

It was a city that seemed indestructible.

It was a city that seemed overwhelmingly unstoppable, incredibly protected and well-armed, and like an impenetrable fortress. It was sophisticated, metropolitan, and and a place of great value. When the Israelites looked on the city of Jericho, they knew they didn’t stand a chance….but God said to take it.

He said it was theirs.

He promised them.

And they believed.

By now, you know the story–Jericho’s older sister died, and my heart failed. We were told we’d have no more children, unless I was ready to be too dead to raise them. Doctors told us “no” so many times that my husband was ready to stop asking; I begged for one last appointment, and that doctor (Michael Paul, MD, Missouri Baptist Hospital perinatology) said “yes.” We got pregnant in 2012, and I will never forget the spiritual battles that took place for the entire 36 weeks (okay, 35) that I was pregnant. The first 30 days of my child’s life were some of the toughest days I have ever known (post-partum piled onto everything else), and I was in the fight of my life…but we won.

We all won.

The people of Israel were told to march around the city of Jericho, silently, for 6 days. Only the trumpets could be played (how annoying would THAT be?!?!  I sense a strategy…). On the 7th day, they were told to march around Jericho 7 times, and on the last time, to deliver a mighty roar. When they did this, God moved and the walls of Jericho fell down. The battle was won! The people of Jericho had put all of their faith into those walls–they didn’t have an army that could fight. I’m guessing their army was untrained, because they were so secure in believing those walls would never come down. They were wrong.

God moved, walls fell, and His people took the city.

They took what He promised them.

So did we.

“Jericho” has a few different interpretations in history, but the ones my son’s teacher found are the most common: “Fragrant.” “City of the Moon.” There’s also “City of Palms” (a place of respite?), or these definitions, which talk about “breath,” “way,” or “width.” Those are less common, and I tend to stick to the definition of “fragrant.”

Fragrance is a powerful word in the Bible; it’s mentioned quite a bit, and evokes a lot of sentiment. It’s used by itself and in conjunction with the word, “incense,” which was always used as part of the sanctification processes in the Tabernacle, and symbolized faith that our praises and prayers are heard. Psalms 141:2 says, “May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.” (NIV) In the Book of Revelations, it talks about incense rising with the prayers of the saints before the Lord.

The fact that my son’s name means something that seems so mundane, but has such a powerful connotation, is not lost on David & I. Every time we speak his name, we’re pouring out over him the fact that he is like a fragrance of worship before the Lord. Day and night, even when we’re in terrible moods, even when times are tough, no matter what happens, he is an answer to prayer and a testimony that resounds in our lives and evokes worship–that’s a powerful name. The kid was born out of prayers and trust, and he doesn’t know it yet, but he has a destiny to worship the Lord.

No pressure, kiddo.

So, yes, Jericho’s teacher, his name means, “fragrance.” And sure, he’s a stinky boy (are all boys stinky? Is that just part of it?!?!), but his heart was formed in the fires of intercession and prayer.

Our son is a living testimony to the promises of God that many people told us were not achievable (you know who told us they were wrong? Joe LoRusso.). We were told “no.” God said, “yes,” and we obeyed Him. Jericho was delivered to us, and our praises and prayers before, during, and after, are the least we can give a God Who kept His promises and blessed our socks off.

There’s a song called, “Worthy of It All” by David Brymer. It became a cornerstone song in my life during my pregnancy with Jericho, even before he got his name. My pregnancy was tough…really, really tough…and I’d sing this song to remind myself that God’s plan was worthy of all of it. I needed to anchor myself and remember that He is GOOD, and that He doesn’t fail, regardless of the past, regardless of the future, and regardless of the fears. He is WORTHY, even if you can’t see the outcome.

There’s a section of the song that says, “Day and night, night and day, let incense arise.” There is worship around the throne of God for infinity–it doesn’t stop. My prayer for my son is that he would learn the significance of his name…that he would know the power of God in his life, and that he would live to point others toward worshiping the Lord….that his life would be like that fragrance that rises before the throne, dedicated to Him and knowing His love…of knowing wholeheartedly that Jesus is Worthy of it All…

We’ve named our child well.

Oh, and if you’re curious, his middle name is “Daniel,” which means, “God is my Judge.” To this day, every time I think of the meaning of his middle name, I think of Tupac….but I never told my husband that when we were choosing names. 🙂